Deal, Sir
by LovingMyDoctor
Summary: COMPLETE! Snapes Daughter arrives at school and he needs help, so he makes a deal with Hermione that will change both of their lives forever
1. Gossip

**Deal, Sir**

_Chapter1: Gossip_

Disclaimer: Not all of them are my characters.

**A/N Alright a few things you should know: It's the summer holidays before the 6****th**** year, Sirius is alive, Tonks is **_**secretly**_** in love with Lupin, Voldemort is back but weak and therefore not mentioned so often, this is a **_**Hermione/Snape**_** fic. **

Everyone was silent at number twelve Grimmauld place. Processing the Words Albus Dumbledore had spoken. Nymphadora Tonks was the one to break it,

"Snape has a child?!" She had asked the question that everyone was thinking.

"Yes." Dumbledore remained calm.

"How the did he get a woman to…" George Weasley was interrupted by his mother, "George!"

But we were all grinning at George remark.

"She will be staying at him with Hogwarts." Dumbledore continued, "Fay is 7 years old and is very shocked by the disappearance of her mother."

"Disappearance?" Remus Lupin asked.

"Yes, the child does not understand the meaning of death."

"And her mother was a muggle?" asked Mad-eye Moody.

Even thou I knew Mad-eye's question wasn't an insult I felt a bit offended, I was muggle-born after all.

"Yes." Dumbledore said, "Now the reason I am telling you this is because both, the child and Severus need protection."

"From what?" Asked the twins together.

"Her mother was murdered and the muggles say Fay is missing, we took her to Professor Snape immediately and they will both be joining us here soon."

Again Silence. The poor girl, she must be terrified!

I broke it with a tearing voice, "How old is she?"

"Seven." Answered Dumbledore, "I'd better get going. Now please everyone take good care and I will be seeing some of you next week, enjoy the rest of your holidays."

The moment he was gone everyone started moving,

"Well I'd better be off, I need to cook dinner." Said Mrs. Weasley.

"We need to get back to the ministry. Tonks, Kingsley." Mad-eye nodded to the two Aurors, Kingsley followed him but Tonks stayed behind, she looked at Remus. He stared back,

"Tonks!!" Mad-eye belled.

She left.

_What was that_? I thought, but no one else seemed to have noticed the strange thing between them…

Remus looked at with me with sad eyes, then turned to Sirius and the two of them began talking.

Ginny came to me, "Girl talk." She whispered. I nodded, grinning understandingly I grabbed her hand and we went upstairs.

We sat on my bed, in the room we shared together and sometimes with Tonks.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I really can't get over him Hermione." She said in a sad tone.

"Get over who?" I asked confused.

Ginny looked around, as if somebody would be watching us, and leaned forward whispering into my ear, "Harry."

I looked at her sadly, "Oh Ginny! I'm sorry but I really don't know what his feelings are. Just try and get over him, distract yourself!"

She smiled slightly, "I guess we'll have some distraction this week, right?"

"Do you mean Fay?" I asked.

She nodded, "Can you imagine it thou? Snape a father?! Even worse Snape a _lover_!"

I didn't answer, yes I could imagine my teacher as a lover, ever since the Yule ball, I had imagined him _being_ my lover. That was 2 years ago, as I had entered the great hall, I had lots of eyes on me, but I only had eyes for one that evening: _Severus Snape_. Maybe I had only imagined it but I was very sure that he had looked at me, I mean really looked at me not as a child, not as a student but as a woman. I stared back, and I did not see a disgusting mean old man, I saw beauty, and I fell in love with him that night, ever since I saw him with different eyes.

"Hermione?" Ginny ripped me out of my thoughts, "Are you alright?"

I nodded and smiled, "Yes I'm just thinking about Snape that's all."

Well I wasn't lying, Ginny was quiet so I decided to quickly change the subject, "So did you see that moment between Tonks and Lupin?"

She stared at me confused, "What?"

I giggled, "Well they stared at each other really weird before she left…"

Ginny looked at me with big eyes, I shook my head, "I don't know."

Usually I wasn't one to gossip but it stopped Ginny from asking questions and that was good enough.

Suddenly the door burst open and Harry, Ron, Fred and George were standing in the room,

"Mum just sent us upstairs." Ron explained as he sat down next to us,

"Snape and the kid will be here soon." Said Fred,

"And mum doesn't want us to frighten her, too many people at once, she says. We'll all be there for dinner why not sooner?" George continued.

"She's really nervous." Said Fred, "I mean it's just Snape. he wouldn't notice if she..."

He boke of, 6 heads turned to the door, we had all heard it, there were vioces downstairs. No one spoke, no one dared to breathe, Severus Snape and his daughter had arrived.

* * *

Fay will be introduced in the first chapter hope it's not too bad…plz leave reviews!

Gbya thank you for reading,

Lor.


	2. Tears

A/N: Sorry I didn't update for so long! For that this chapter is a little longer. Please tell me what you think. Thank you to those who have reviewed. Enjoy!

**Chapter2: ****Tears**

**HPOV**

We could hear Snape's footsteps and little tiny Steps right behind him, they went past our room, a door was opened and closed again. Ron was the first to break the silence,

"So they're here now."

"What do you think he will do to her?" Ginny asked worriedly, "I mean, he has to teach when he goes to Hogwarts, what will happen to her then?"

"I'm sure Dumbledore will know what to do." Harry said in a reassuring and calming voice.

"Yeah." Fred chimed in, "He's probably got it all sorted out."

Ginny smiled.

I decided to change the subject, I just couldn't talk about Severus and the child anymore.

"Has anyone got some new information?" I asked.

Everyone shook their heads. We were all trying to find out what was going on in the order, the adults still refused to tell us. Fred and George weren't in the order, because they hadn't really finished school, the twins weren't worried they said Molly would come around soon.

There was a knock on the door, it was Sirius.

"Fred, George?" He asked looking at the twins, "May I have a word?"

The twins left, Ginny, Harry, Ron and I were left alone. Ginny stood up and left too, she probably couldn't stand being around Harry too long, poor girl I hope she'll get over him soon.

Ron and Harry sat on my bed,

"It's weird isn't it?" I broke the silence, "We've been friends for six years now, _six years_! I can't believe we'll be finished with school so soon."

"Hermione!" Ron said, "Please start this next year, will you? It's our last year _then_."

Harry nodded, "Yeah we shouldn't be sad just yet. It's not the end."

"Will it be the end when we finish the school?" I asked.

None of them answered, until Harry said, "We'll see."

We were silent again, lost in our thoughts. The thought of not returning to Hogwarts tore at my heart, even if it _was_ in two years.

"What do you think Sirius wanted from Fred and George?" Ron broke the silence.

"I don't know." I said, "But it's probably nothing good."

Ron looked at me sharply, "What's that supposed to mean?!"

I sighed, "There always up to something!"

"Yeah and?!" Ron seemed offended.

"Well they could get into trouble!" I snapped, why did he always have to be like this?

"Oh you two stop it, you're driving me insane! Besides, I think I have more important news than what Fred and George are up to!"

We looked at him, surprised.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Well I keep on having dreams about Voldemord." Harry whispered.

Ron and I flinched,

"What are they about?" I asked.

"I don't know." Harry admitted, "I don't really understand them. But he's planning something, something important."

The three of us looked at each other, thinking about Harry's words. What was Voldemord planning? I felt a familiar wave of fear rush through me, whatever it was. It wasn't good.

Dinner was quiet, Mr. Weasly had told us that someone had been murdering muggles. Had the same person killed Fays mother? My thoughts wandered to _my_ parents, I hoped they were alright. I looked at Mr. Weasly, he looked tired and stressed. He noticed that I was staring at him so I smiled, he smiled back. But it wasn't real, he still looked sad.  
After dinner I had a shower, once I was under the warm water my muscles relaxed and I felt all my stress and fear was gone. I sighed deeply, my thoughts once again in a forbidden place….

_Severus was waiting for me, in our bedroom. Once I reached him he smiled, he looked so beautiful when he smiled, it was so rare. Then he kissed me, he kissed me deep. His touch drove me crazy and then…_

"HERMIONE!" There was a loud thumping against the bathroom door, "This is the _only_ bathroom in the house that you are blocking!" I heard Ron's voice.

I laughed softly and stepped out of the shower, the water had gone cold a long while ago. This was what it probably was like to have brothers, that's why I loved Harry and Ron so much. I didn't know the feeling of having siblings, they gave me a little part of it, the Weasly children shared it with me.

I wrapped a towel around my wet and now cold body, I opened the door. Ron was standing there, leaning against the frame. His ears went pink when he spotted me,

"Err…" He only stared at me.

I rolled my eyes at his behavior and pushed myself past him, "Bathrooms free." I muttered and walked into my room. I locked the door, Ginny and Tonks would both know I was changing, that's the only reason we'd ever lock it.

As I brushed my hair, I stared into the mirror before me, I hated my bushy hair. I hated it so much, I would love to just cut it all of, but I knew I would never _really_ do it. I pulled my still wet hair back into a ponytail and unlocked the door. Where was Ginny anyway?

I walked into Mrs. Weasly, "Oh sorry Molly!" I gasped.

She laughed quietly, "Not to worry dear, well I'm off to bed."

"Goodnight." I walked away but then turned around,

"Molly!"

She also turned around, "Yes, dear?"

"Have you seen Ginny?"

She nodded, "I think she went up to the attic."

I walked up the stairs, and yes there she was. Ginny was sitting on the floor, arms folded around her knees, she looked up at me sadly.

"Would you like to be alone?" I asked.

She patted the space next to her, "Stay."

I sat down, turning slightly sideways to look at her.

We sat in silence, "What do you think she looked like?"

Ginny suddenly asked.

"Who?" I was confused,

"Fays mother."

Severus' ex-lover, a woman who had been with him, who had _slept_ with him.

I had thought about that, what had she looked like?

"She was probably butt-ugly." I lied, I hadn't really been thinking that, "Fat, with lots of warts covering her face and she was probably really stupid like a troll."

Ginny smiled sadly, "I think she was beautiful, a beautiful woman. And she was really nice, always smiling and full of life. I think Snape was like her too, happy and full of life."

"What makes you think that?" I asked, I wouldn't have thought anyone except me thought she had been beautiful.

"I believe beauty is _inside_ a person." She explained, "Like Sirius for example, to the world he was _and is_ a crazy murderer but he is such a nice and friendly man. I remember being terrified of him, every time I saw his picture I was frightened but that has changed now."

My thoughts wandered to my Poitionsmaster was he a beautiful man on the inside too? Yes, I decided, he was. It was just hidden, horrible things must have happened to him.

I noticed Ginny staring at me, "Sometimes I really don't understand you." She said.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say.

We sat in silence until Tonks came up, saying that we should probably go to bed.

I cried myself to sleep, imagining what she had looked like.

_I bet she didn't have bushy hair!_ I thought angrily.

I cried silently into my pillow, hoping the others wouldn't hear me but I was very sure I head Ginny and Tonks cry too.

I woke of with a start. I needed water. _Now_. I glanced at the watch, 3am. Sighing I stood up and walked silently out the door.

I was walking down the long the corridor, when I noticed a small figure standing at the end, I switched on a light.

A small girl with thin, straight black hair was staring up at me, her black eyes were full of tears.

"I want my mummy." She whimpered,

I felt as though my heart was breaking in two.

**Please review!**


	3. Nighttime

**Not my characters...(except for Fay)**

**Duj**, when I wrote Sirius was a nice and friendly man, that is how the kids see him. I'm not sure if Ginny even knows what he did in his past and he isn't a bully in their eyes, at least I don't think Hermione and Ginny would see him like that.

Everyone thank you for you review, you guys rock!!

**Chapter3: nighttime**

"_I want my mummy"_

I looked around panicking..._what should I do?_

"Your mummy's not her."

_Your mummy's dead._

The little girl was still crying, I wanted to put my arms around her and hold her tight but i was afraid that, that would only frighten her more.

"Why are you up so late?" I asked in a maybe _to _kind voice.

"I need to go to the lu." she sobbed, "wheres my mummy i don't want to go alone!"

She was getting louder, I didn't want her to wake the whole house actually i didn't want her to wake Snape.

I crouched down so we were on the same hight, "I'll go with you alright? You don't need to be afraid."

She took my hand and together we walked down the stairs in the darkness.Her hand was small and clenched mine in fear.

Once we were in the bathroom I turned to the wall until I heard the flush of the toilette. She had stopped crying, "What's your name?" she asked as she washed her hands.

"Hermione, your Fay aren't you?"

She nodded as she dried her hands, "Hermione why am i here?"

Hadn't anyone explained anything to her? Did she not know that her mother was dead?!

"I'm sure your Daddy will tell you."

She crossed her arms infront of her chest, "Daddy doesn't talk to me!"

I laughed and stroked her hair, i didn't know what else to do.

I felt much better as I brought her back up the stairs she would go back to bed and no one would know what had happened, i wasn't even thirsty anymore. When we were finally on the second floor I whispered: "You know where your daddy's room is don't you?"

I saw her nod, "OK I'm going back to my room then." I let go of her hand.

Suddenly I heard a male whisper in a harsh voice, "Lumos!" Severus Snape stood before me,

"Miss Granger do you have the decency to tell me what you are doing at three o'clock in the morning, _with my child?_"

I swallowed this was what I had been afraid of, "I...I woke up because I was thirsty and then she was out here crying..."

I stopped talking Fay had grabbed my hand again and tried to hide behind me annoyed Snape grabbed her and picked her up, "Go to bed Granger." he sneered.

He turned to walk away, "Her name's Hermione." I heard Fay say.

I laughed quietly and walked back into the room.

"Mine?" I heard someone whisper.

"Ginny?" I whispered back.

"What were you doing?" she asked confused.

"I was thirsty." I mumbled.

Ginny didn't answer and shortly after that I fell asleep.

The last week I helped Ron and Harry with their homework, poor Harry hadn't got anything done while living with his aunt and uncle and Ron...well Ron was Ron.

I hadn't seen Fay or Severus all week and soon enough we were all sitting in the great Hall,

"Oh my god can you believe he has child?!"

I looked at Harry with an annoying look, he just shrugged. Ron carried on eating, not noticing or caring that everyone in school was talking about Fay and her dad. Alright we had gossiped at the beginning but I was getting really annoyed, poor Fay she must have felt horrible. I hadn't seen her since our little incedint in the house.

"Attention, everyone!" Dumbledore suddenly called, the hall was silent.

"As you all-I don't know why-but as you all know Professor Snape has a seven year old daughter. The girl is here is Hogwarts and if you may see her Professor Snape has asked me that you do not speak to her, leave her alone" No one said anything. We all stared at him.

"Thank you."

Out headmaster sat back down, seconds later the normal volume was back and everyone was chatting and talking loudly again.

"Hermione, are you alright?"Harry asked.

"I'm fine." I lied. I wasn't fine, this whole thing was getting out of control I was thinking of my professor and his child all the time, I had feelings for both of them pity for a child I didn't know and love for a man I knew I could never have.

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OK I wanted to finally get to the part where you find out why the story is called "Deal, sir" but I'll guess that will come in the next chapter I'm sorry that I've been taking SO long to update (in all my stories) different reasons, broken PCs, writers block, stress in school...well I'm trying:D

Please review tell me what u think!!!

Gby

LovingMyDoctor


	4. Unexpected

**Chapter4: Unexpected  
**

It was the first day and Griffindor already had 40 points. Draco kept on looking at us angrily, I just laughed at him while turning around and walking away. Was it my fault that he was too lazy to look at our schoolbooks before school started? To go through some stuff over the summer?

We were sitting at lunch when Ron suddenly said, "oh no we've got potions next!"

A warm feeling spread through my body, I couldn't wait.

"Mine, you alright?" Harry asked.

"Fine." I smiled.

Ginny came in that moment and together with the boys she talked about Quidditch. We hurried to Potions, I had to admit it was horrible the way Snape treated us but I liked being near to him and the less people were present the better and if I didn't see him in class I saw him in the great hall.

Once we entered the classroom I noticed Harry and Rons mood sink. I smiled at them, trying to cheer them up at least a little bit, but they just sat down and grumbled. I rolled my eyes and sat next to them, Neville looked like he was about to cry, poor boy Potions really weren't his strength. Our Professor entered the room, I hoped I wasn't too red, he was just _so_ sexy...

"Miss Granger!"

_Oh no..._

"Stop day dreaming in my class!" he barked.

The whole class was staring at me, oh no how did this happen?

"Answer my question Granger!"

I sighed, this was bad. This was really bad.

"Could you repeat the question sir?" I piped.

He laughed wickedly, "The know-it-all doesn't know the answer!"

The Slytherins roared with laughter, I was just about to look at Harry and Ron so that they wouldn't..."Shut up!" Ron yelled.

Too late.

"Ron." I said through gritted teeth.

"What did you just say, Weasly?"

"I told you to shut up!" Ron repeated.

Even Harry looked annoyed, why couldn't Ron just let it go?!

"Leave my friend alone!"

Why did he have to continue?

"50 points from Griffondor, Weasly and Granger both stay here after the lesson!"

He was even more angrier than he normal and poor Neville was so close too crying

After the lesson Ron and I went to Professor Snape, he looked as thou he didn't know where to start,

"You Granger!" He suddenly barked, "Don't you dare fall asleep in my lesson..."

"I didn't fall asleep!" I interrupted him.

"Don't interrupt me!" He roared.

"Don't scream at her like that!" Ron shouted.

"Daddy?" A small voice suddenly whispered.

We were all silent, we turned to where the voice had come from. Fay stood in the hallway she was crying. Professor Snape sighed and said "leave both of you!" We took our chance and left.

Harry was waiting outside, "what happened?" He asked, "I didn't hear him scream."

"His daughter interrupted us and then he told us to leave." Ron explained.

"You didn't get detention?!" Harry asked, surprised.

"Nothing would have happened if Ron would have stayed out of it!" I barked.

"Hey!" Ron tried to defend himself, "I was just trying to help you!"

"I didn't want your help!"

I stormed away. Why did he always do that? I hadn't wanted him to help me. I wasn't a child, I could stand up for myself!

I walked up to the girls dormitory, angrily I threw my things into my bed. Ginny was sitting on her bed she looked at me surprised, "What's wrong with you?!" She asked.

"Your brother is an idiot." I muttered as I sat down next to her.

She laughed, "which one?!"

"Ron." I sneered.

Ginny asked me what he had done and I told her. While I told her, I noticed that I had been overdoing it.

"Strange that Snape let you go just like that." She said.

I shrugged, "he had to take care of his child, that's not so strange is it?"

She shook her head, "Snape taking care of a child? His own child? That's one of the strangest things I can think of."

I said nothing and started out of the window, it was raining.

The next days were horrible, in every subject I knew every answer to every question. In every subject but Potions, Professor Snape kept on asking me questions and each time I didn't know the answer. All the points we earned during the day were gone by the end of Potions, Ron and Harry were angrier at Snape than they ever had been. I didn't defend him, I didn't want to start a pointless fight with Harry or Ron but I knew it wasn't Snapes fault. I was the one to blame, something was wrong with me. All through the summer I had learned but now I had forgotten everything I had ever learned in Potions.

On Monday I couldn't wait any longer I had to do something, before dinner I walked down to the Dungeons, to Snapes Office.

I took a deep breath and knocked once.

"Come in." I heard him say.

I entered, nervously I closed the door behind me.

He was sitting at his desk how..._normal_.

"What do you want Miss Granger?" He asked clearly annoyed, not looking at me.

"I need your help, Sir." I was surprised about how calm my voice was.

He looked up and I sat down on the chair in front of him.

"I forgot everything." I suddenly started talking, "I can't remember anything from the last 5 years of potions. I can't answer any of your question, I don't understand anything anymore. I need your help."

"Why should I help you, Miss Granger?" He asked, not interested while he looked through some papers.

"Because you're my teacher."

I knew there was no way out of this, he wasn't going to help me. There was no way I would ever graduate from Hogwarts with any good marks. I was never going to be an Auror.

"Daddy?"

I heard Fay call,

"oh bloody hell."

He stood up, "Leave Granger." and walked away.

I left.

What had I expected? He was the meanest teacher in school, he was cruel, he cold and he was rude. And I had fallen in love with him. Urgh! Sometimes life was just really complicated. I was so stupid! It was obvious that he would disappoint me, why did I have my hopes up at all? Angrily I stamped to the great hall.

"Hey Hermione, where were you?" Ron asked, before he bit into a chicken leg.

"I was _trying _to talk to Professor Snape!" I snapped.

"What happened?" Harry-who sat down next to me-asked, before Ron could snap back at me.

"Where were _you_?" Ron asked.

"I asked him to help me but he said no." I answered Harrys question, ignoring Ron.

"It's not you, it's him. He's the one that needs help." Harry muttered.

"Yeah." Ron butted into our conversation, "I mean come on Snape is old, ugly and stuck with a child, _he _needs help."

Normally I would have ignored Rons pointless comments but I was too disappointed,

"You forget cruel, cold, selfish, heartless and unpopular!" I said.

It was the first time I said something about Snape, words I would normally never use. What did I care if someone was popular or not? It was that one time I chose to do something, that my teacher was standing behind me.

"Miss Granger."

My whole body froze, this could not be happening.

I turned around, he didn't even look angry. Maybe he didn't have such good ears?

"Come with me to my office."

Or maybe he had very good ears.

I stood up and followed down to the dungeons once again.

Once he had closed his door I noticed that I had never been alone with him like this. In his office, in the dungeons while the rest of the school was in the great hall. He was going to give me detention.

"Miss Granger I will help you with your Potions."

My head shot up, I stared at him in shock, "What?!" I almost yelled.

"You heard me correctly." he sneered, "but I want you to take care of my child."

This time I was so shocked that I couldn't even yell what, I just stared at him.

"Take...care..of you child?" I asked in disbelief.

"Babysit her, look after her call it whatever you want."

I only nodded, that was the only condition?

"When?" I asked.

"Every day from five to eight." He answered.

"I will tutor you in potions from eight to as long as it takes."

Again I nodded.

He stood up and walked towards me, "I'll help you in Potions and you'll take care of my child, deal Granger?" He held out his hand, I took it, smiled and answered, "Deal, Sir."

Wow that took long, sorry guys. I was just never in the mood, hope you liked it ignore the grammatical mistakes pls :D Thank you for your reviews you guys rock! Please do not stop;)

Gbya

LovingMyDoctor


	5. Babysitting

**Chapter5: Babysitting**

"You're _what?!_"

"I'm Professor Snape's Daughters Babysitter."

Ginny howled with laughter.

"I'm serious!"

"You're insane!"

That was another option of course.

While both Ginny and Harry were joking about my agreement with our teacher, Ron sat in the corner just staring at us.

"Will he pay you?" He growled.

I rolled my eyes, "No. He will tutor me, I told you that."

Ron jumped up, "Mion, you don't need tutoring! You're fine!"

I shook my head, "No, I've forgotten everything. And Ron _what is your problem_?!"

"You're going to be spending time with that greasy old disgusting Man!"

"No, I'm spending time with his daughter. An innocent child!"

Ron laughed bitterly, "Innocent? Right, sure."

He went up the stairs. Into his bedroom.

"What _is _his problem?" I muttered.

"Are you sure that he isn't right? Do you really need tutoring?"

Ginny looked at me hopefully.

"Yes. Yes I do. His child can't be that bad. I'm sure Ron is just overdoing it, you'll see."

Harry yawned loudly, "I'm of to bed. Good night."

"Night!" Ginny and I called.

We were the last ones that weren't in bed.

"I think I'm getting over Harry."

I looked at Ginny suprised, "Come again?"

"You heard correctly. I think it's time I get over him, he's unreachable anyway."

I didn't answer.

"Ginny?"

"Yeah?"

"Did I really do a big mistake? With Professor Snape, I mean."

"I don't think so." Ginny answered truthfully, "But I guess you'll find out tomorrow."

I nodded.

"I'm going to sleep, night."

"Night!"

Now I was alone. Sighing I rested my head in my hands. My own thoughts were making me tired. Had I done the right thing? Sure I needed the tutoring, but would he really be able to help me? Would I really be able to help his child? I didn't need to help her, just watch her. Surely she wouldn't be that bad? My fear was beginning to spread fast, I was already beginning to imagine horrible things that could happen, horrible things Fay could do...That was it, I decided to go to bed. As I lay in the darkness I thought of my Potionsmaster and the fact that I would be spending a lot of time with him. Alone.

The next morning it was hard to get out of bed. I was very exhausted. But I wanted to get to Potions and so I jumped out of bed after I few minuted of dozing.

"Morning Mion!"

I sat down next to Ginny and yawned loudly, "Morning."

"And are you scared?"

I looked at her, confused.

"Your first day at work!" She giggled.

I rolled my eyes, "Be quiet. And yes, I am scared."

Silence.

"Do you think Ron is still angry?"

Before Ginny could answer Ron came running towards us.

"Harry!" He breathed.

"What happened?!!" I pulled him next to me, so he could sit down.

"He had a bad dream and I mean like really bad. He's staying in bed."

I stood up, "Mion, seriously, do not go up there."

But I didn't answer and hurried up to get to Harry.

The boys dormitory was empty. Except for one bed.

"Harry?" My voice was whisper.

"What do you want Mione?" He sounded awake.

I stepped to the only bed, which still had it's curtains closed and found Harry lying in bed, his eyes wide open.

"Are you alright?"

He didn't answer.

"Ron said you had a bad dream..."

He sighed.

"Was it about him?" I whispered, "Is something going to happen?"

"Yes." He muttered, "Something is going to happen. But I can't tell you what, I can't tell you to who it will happen to, I can't tell you when and I can't tell you why!"

Understanding his Anger wrong I asked:

"Why Harry? Why can't you tell me?"

I was hurt, I was his best friend. At least I thought I had been.

"I can't tell you because I don't know. I keep on seeing things happening here at Hogwarts but I don't even know if it's Voldemort."

I shuddered.

"Or anyone else. I have no idea!"

He was very desperate.

"Harry no one is expecting you to know everything..."

"No." He interrupted, "They're expecting me to kill him."

I was silent.

"I don't know if I can, no one does."

"Get up and get to school. We will figure this out, it will end some day."

He said nothing.

"Harry, get up. Now! We've got double Potions first. _Hurry_!"

Harry did get up and after he had eaten a very fast breakfast we were on our way to potions.

Harry told Ron, the same he had told me. But as he told Ron, he didn't sound so desperate.

"You should go to Dumbledore." I said as we were almost at Snape's room.

"So Voldemort is planing something, it's not such a big surprise now is it?"

I leaned closer to him, so I could whisper into his ear,

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No" He looked frustrated, "I just don't want to talk about it anymore. Besides if anyone is going to Dumbledore then it's me!"

"You're right. I'm sorry Harry."

"It's alright."

We entered the room and sat down on our usual seats.

"Professor!"

"What is it Malfoy?"

"I feel mistreated."

"I don't care."

A small smile widened on my face.

"I don't think Granger should sit next to Longbottom. It's not fair, that he gets so much help!"

I felt Ron stiffen.

"Keep it quiet", I whispered.

Surprise-and thankfully-he did.

"Well" Our Professors voice had grown louder, so that everyone who hadn't been listening before was definitely listening now, "In fact Miss Granger seems to be even more stupid than Longbottom is at the moment. She seems to what was it Miss Granger? Oh yes, _forgotten_ everything."

The Slytherins laughed loudly and I stared at my teacher. Ok just because we had one agreement didn't mean he'd be nice to me. I was still a Gryffindor and his student _and_ friends with Harry Potter. Those weren't really good odds if I wanted him to treat me normally-even worse _like_ me. The second thought was impossible.

"It's not like you'd ever appreciate her work, so it doesn't matter anyway."

Professor Snape looked at Harry sharply.

"Sir."

His angry look did not change.

"It's true", Harry continued, "I mean there's no difference to you if she does nothing or does the potion perfectly."

He was right and he was speaking calmly.

Now his cold gaze was fixed upon me, "You must be very old fashioned if you let your boyfriend defend you and cannot stand up for yourself!"

Again his favourite students laughed at us.

"Stay quiet", I whispered to Harry and Ron.

"Keep us out of trouble..."

"What's that you're muttering Miss Granger?"

"Nothing, Sir."

"Oh _really_?" He mocked, "I thought you were telling him what to say next!"

There they went laughing again.

"Today you will be brewing a surprise potion. Depending on how many mistakes you make the stronger the consequences will be."

That was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. But it seemed to exist, the ingredients were on the board and he was walking around. Depending on the house his comments were negative or positive.

Not once did I look at him. I really felt stupid. Some part of me-it had been larger than I'd thought-had truly believed this would be my chance to make him friendlier and politer towards..well me. How naïve and stupid could someone be? Just because he did me a favour-only because I was doing him one!-it didn't mean he'd change his attitude towards me. This man hated me. I was a mudblood, as some of his friends would say, I wasn't sexy or even pretty and I had nothing more to do with him, than being his student.

The rest of the day really past in a blur. I wasn't hungry at lunch. I didn't enjoy any subjects-but I still put my hand up a lot figuring, that it wouldn't be very wise to let my feelings and my mood ruin the points for myself and the Gryffindor house. We were sitting at lunch.

"Hermione?", confused I looked up.

"Are you alright?", it was Harry.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine", I smiled at him, "by the way thanks for sticking up to me in Potions today."

"No Problem it was just the truth."

"Yeah!", Ron jumped into the conversation, "Don't say thanks to him for telling the truth!"

"But!", I said a bit loud, "please just let all of us say nothing next time."

I heard the two boys sigh and they asked together,

"Why?"

"Because there's no need to make the situation worse than it already is!"

"Why not?" The person who had joined our conversation was Seamus.

I shook my head, "What do you think will happen, if you continue to try and fight against him?"

"Maybe we'll win someday!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes, "You won't win, Ronald. He's the teacher he decides what grades we get. There's nothing we can do about that."

"Well maybe we care more about our dignity than some stupid grades!"

I didn't answer.

"Hey what's going on?"

Ginny had just joined our silent table.

"Nothing", Ron muttered.

"They keep on going up against Snape."

"Well maybe they'll win."

Harry laughed and our "fight" was over. Seamus had already turned his attention somewhere else.

"Have you heard yet?"

Ginny looked at Harry meaningfully.

"Heard what?"

"We're playing against the Slytherins first this year."

Oh it was about Quidditch again.

"We've won before." Harry smiled at her.

Sighing I looked away. I never had and I never would be interested in Quidditch.

"So Mione, two more hours and then you need to go to the Dungeons." Ginny grinned at me and I just smiled back.

"Yeah."

"Are you nevous?", Harry jumped in.

"A bit. Who knows what she's like..."

"Probably a git like her dad

"Thanks Ron."

He only laughed.

"I think I'll go up to the common room", I stood up, "See you guys later."

Of course I didn't got to the Common room. I went straight to the library. Not to study. To write.

I always had a small notepad with me. It was bewitched of course. It was my diary.

_I'm meeting Professor Snapes daughter today. The nervous feeling in my stomach has nothing to do with her. Only with me. I'm afraid of doing a mistake. Maybe even more than one. What will he think of me then? At the moment he already thinks nothing of me either...I just want him to like me and treat me with respect. That's a long shot, I know. But even longer would be my dream of him loving me. So I'll just stick to liking, trying to do everything possible for him to be friendlier towards me._

"Mione?"

Quickly I bewitched it so no one else would be able to open it.

"I thought you said you're going to the common room?"

Harry sat down opposite me.

"I said I _think_ I'm going to the common room. I changed my mind on the way."

He smiled understandingly, "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Of course not!"

A little bit...

"I won't disturb you." He pulled some books on the table, "I just want to read up on some things."

I nodded.

Usually I didn't write into my diary, when others were around. But I knew I could trust Harry and he was reading anyway, so he wouldn't look up.

_At night I still dream of him. I see him coming towards me, kissing me telling me he loves me and then sleeping with me. The dreams always feel very real and very good. No one knows of course. No one would understand._

I closed it once more. Harry sighed loudly.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"What you are reading there...it hasn't got anything to do with You-know Voldemort has it?"

He looked up, "It has actually."

"Harry why won't you let Ron and me help you? What's going on?"

"I...the dream I keep on having is different..."

"Different? Harry tell me what is going on right now or I will force Dumbledore to allow Snape to use Veritaserum on you!"

"I'll tell you, but it will not make you happy and it will most probably scare you."

"Alright."

"And you will regret you asked me to tell you."

"Harry tell me what's going on!"

He sighed, before he lowered his voice.

"I dream about a girl being raped. Every night it's the same thing. I don't know who the girl is and I don't know who is raping her."

"Oh Harry!"

That must have been a horrible thing to dream of every night.

"My pint of view changes...sometimes I have to watch, sometimes I feel what the girl feels...sometimes _I'm_ the rapist Hermione!"

"Harry!" I jumped up and hugged him.

"Don't let this get to you. You are not a pervert! He's doing this to distract you, I'm sure!"

"To distract me from what?"

"I don't know."

I had sat down on my chair again and was looking at him. We were both silent.

"There must be a way", I said after a while, "for you to not have that dream every night."

"There isn't."

"We could ask Dumbledore...or Snape! There is a potion, that will..."

"Hermione!", Harry interrupted me, rather harshly, "There is no way I am asking Snape for help. He will probably poison me in the end."

"He would do no such thing!"

"I know Dumbledore trusts him and all but honestly why would Snape care?"

"I never said he'd care but if Dumbledore forces him to..."

"Forget it Hermione."

Sighing I leaned back and crossed my arms in front of my chest. If he didn't want my help, I couldn't help him.

"Besides", Harry suddenly said, "imagine what Dumbledore would think of me, if I told him about this."

"Harry this is Voldemorts.."

"I haven't said anything about Voldemort!", he interrupted me once more, "I don't know if this is his work or not!"

"If you want to chat go somewhere else!" Madam Prince suddenly stood in front of our table, "this is a library!"

Harry and I both packed our things and left.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you like that", He apologised.

"It's alright. I'm sorry I can't help you properly."

He only smiled.

"Hey Potter!"

Harry and I both turned our attention to Draco Malfoy, who was coming towards us.

"And the mudblood too!"

Harry was already pulling out his wand.

"Hold it", Malfoy said-he was already walking past us, "we are all friends now, aren't we?"

Crabbe and Golye followed him.

"What was that all about?"

"You know Malfoy", Harry continued walking in the direction of the stairs.

"Yes I know Malfoy" I said, "He loves to fight with us, so we get in trouble. Why would he walk away from a fight?"

"I don't really care what Malfoy does."

I had to laugh and we continued walking.

"I haven't told Ron about the dream."

"Ok."

"So.."

"It's alright, I won't tell him."

"Thank you. I will tell him eventually."

"And until then I know nothing."

"Thanks Hermione."

"Harry we're best friends. Don't apologise."

We walked to the Gryffindor common room together. Once we were there all of our worries seemed forgotten. I didn't do a lot of homework. It was hard to concentrate, when there were so many people there and so many different conversations to turn to. But I did my best. I was just finished with sorting my motes for history of magic, when Harry suddenly said.

"Hermione it's five to five."

I jumped up, "Oh no!"

I was going to be late. I was too late for my first babysitting job. This was bad. This was horrible. Why was I still standing here. I left my notes as they were and hurried through the portrait hole.

"Hermione!" Ginny was walking towards me.

"I know I'm late!"

She took hold of my arm, "I've got to tell you something."

"Ginny, I'm late!"

"Malfoy asked me out."

"What?!"

"I'm serious!"

"I'm late!"

For a moment we stood there. She was still gripping my arm with her hand. Suddenly we both burst out in laughter.

"We'll talk tomorrow, I'll come in really late."

"Alright!"

I continued to hurry, but I did not run. If I ran I would arrive there sweating and out of breath.

"You are two Minutes to late."

"I'm sorry, Sir."

He pulled me into his office, "Hurry up! It would have been better if you'd been here earlier."

"You didn't..."

"Quiet. Follow me."

I followed him.

"These are my private rooms. You are not allowed to look at any other room, touch anything or even think of breaking one of the two previous rules."

I didn't say anything.

He pointed at a door, "this is the only room you have the right to enter. She sleeps in there. I want her in bed when I come home."

A big feeling of unease rushed through my stomach I was going to do everything wrong.

"If I find anything out of order and the child awake you can be sure to forget the deal."

"But someone has to take care of her..."

"That is none of your business."

Right. Of course.

"I've have to leave now. I am already late."

"Wait! Sir!"

"What is it?!"

"Where is she?"

"I don't know, somewhere here."

My mouth fell open in astonishment and shock. He didn't know where his own child was.

"She isn't allowed in any other than her bed room, so she's probably there."

Then he was gone. He hadn't said goodbye. He'd just left. At first I could only stand there, then I realised that that was pointless and I gently knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

Softly I pushed the door open.

"Hello Fay. Do you remember me?"

The room did not have a lot of light. But I could make out a bed, a small cupboard and a sink.

"Hermione!"

I smiled, "Yes."

I entered the room, leaving the door open, so more light fell into the room.

"I'm here to look after you, didn't your Daddy tell you that?"

"No."

She was sitting on the bed.

"May I join you?"

I gestured to the bed. She moved up to make some space.

"You're Daddy didn't tell you I was going to come?"

"No, he said he can't leave me here alone anymore after what happened."

"After what happened?"

"I can't read the clock", she said, "I didn't no he was gone so I looked in some rooms to find him..."

"And then you got in trouble?"

She nodded sadly.

"Would you like to play a game?"

"What game?"

That was a good question. We only had one room we could use.

"I spy with my little eye something...blue."

She looked around the room. After a while she said,

"My toothbrush!"

"Very good! It's your turn now!"

"I spy with my little eye something...red!"

Her pillow.

I glanced around the room and stood up, "I don't know...can you tell me the first letter?"

"P!"

"P..." I continued looking in the wrong direction, then I turned back to her, "Oh! Your pillow!"

"That took long!"

We played for a long time. Long enough until we had spied every object in the room.

"What shall we do now?"

"I don't know."

"What would you like to do?"

"Watch the Lion King!"

I had to smile, "you like the Lion King?"

"Yes!"

"Who do you like most?"

"Nala!"

I chuckled, "Why is that?"

"She's funny."

I had to smile, "Yeah she is."

"My mummy always sang the songs with me. She came home from work and we would sing and dance together."

"That's nice."

"Where is my mummy?"

"I can't you that."

"Oh."

"Fay, haven't you got _any_ toys here?"

"No."

"I'll have to talk to your daddy about that."

"He doesn't talk to me", she sounded sad, "the only person I have is Lila."

She showed me a small doll. I smiled.

"You have me too. I'm going to be here every evening!"

I will never in my life forget that happy shining in her eyes, "really?!"

"Yes, really."

I wanted nothing more than to make this child happy. She deserved something better than this dark room without any kind of happiness, without toys, without love...

Fay yawned loudly.

I looked at my watch, twenty to eight.

"You should get ready for bed."

Otherwise I would loose my job.

"Daddy wants me in bed, before he comes home so he doesn't have to speak to me."

How mean.

"I'll talk to him."

At least I hoped I would. I'd probably chicken out...

Fay changed into her Pyjamas and brushed her teeth at the sink. He really was unbelievable. He did everything, to avoid any kind of contact with her. I tucked Fay into her bed.

It was 10 to eight.

"Hermione?", she asked in a sleepy voice.

"Yes?"

"How long do I have to stay here?"

"I don't know."

Forever?

"Don't think about it too much", I whispered, "just go to sleep."

She held her doll to her chest tightly and closed her eyes. Once her breathing was low and regular I silently crept out of the room and closed the door.

Since I wasn't allowed to enter any other room, I had no chance but to sit down on the floor and wait. I didn't have to wait long. Soon enough Professor Snape was standing in front of me,

"Miss Granger? Why are you seating on the floor?"

"Fay's asleep and I have no other place I can go to, Sir."

He sighed, "Get up."

I did as I was told and followed him into something I would call a study.

"Sit."

I sat down on the stool, he pointed at.

"You said you have forgotten everything from the last five years?"

I nodded.

"Just forgotten it?"

I nodded again, desperately trying to block out the images in my head. Images of him and me. We _were_ alone in the dungeons...

"Miss Granger, are you listening to me?"

"Sorry."

I had to focus.

"We will be brewing a shrinking solution today. Something you learned to do in your third year."

I only nodded, not knowing what else to say.

My teacher waved his wand once and the things we needed were on the table.

"Do you know what is important about these?"

He had some daisy roots in the palm of his hand.

I shook my head.

"Try to remember."

I tried I really was focusing, but it didn't work.

"It has to do with cutting them."

"They have to be the exact same size!"

"Correct."

He pressed them into my hand and said,

"Start then."

While I began cutting the roots into small pieces I had to concentrate on them being chopped evenly.

All though it wasn't the perfect moment and I wasn't even sure what my teacher was doing I had to say it.

"Professor, there is something I need to talk to you about."

I had to. Otherwise Fay would start to get depressed..or worse things would happen to her tiny soul.

"And what might that be, Miss Granger?"

"Your daughter, Sir."

**READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ-READ**

**There was no Authors not at the beginning so READ THIS!**

So this was a VERY long chapter. I'm sorry, but get used to the fact, that I have a life and don't post chapters a lot.

Two things I have to ask you thou:

1. **Review! Review! Review!**

2. Please do not give up on this story, I really want to continue Hermiones story, a squeal is already planned. So it will go on, it's just taking it's time. I will try to hurry of course.

Oh and you can forget flaming me because of this Draco/Ginny-thing, because this is my story and I can do what I want! :D

Seriously thou nothing is going to happen between them- NO ROMANCE- but I've done this on purpose. I know what I'm doing. Again:

DRACO AND GINNY WILL NOT END UP TOGETHER!!!!

So thanks for reading hope you enjoyed it.

LovingMyDoctor


	6. Life changes

Chapter6: Life changes

_"Professor, there is something I need to talk to you about."_

_I had to. Otherwise Fay would start to get depressed..or worse things would happen to her tiny soul._

_"And what might that be, Miss Granger?"_

_"Your daughter, Sir."_

"And what do you have to complain about, Miss Granger?", his dark eyes bore into mine and despite my feelings I was a little bit afraid, "What is it you think I can do better?!"

_Forget it_!, I wanted to yell at him, _I won't help you then!_

But that would be stupid.

"Well...she hasn't got any toys."

"Does she need some?"

I stared at him, "...Sir!", I finally managed to say, "Of course she does! She a little girl!"

He rolled his eyes, "You're not doing as you're supposed to", he sneered, "I told you to brew your potion and look after her. What does looking after a child mean, Miss Granger?"

"Keeping her safe", I muttered shamefully, knowing I wouldn't win this conversation.

"Does it mean lecturing me?"

"No."

"Does it mean talking to me about her at all?"

"No."

"There you go then. Make sure those roots are even!"

Sighing I did as I was told,

"You asked for this", he said after a while, "you asked me to help you."

"Yeah, well if I remember this correctly you refused to help me until you were in need of help yourself!" I quickly added a, "Sir"

"What are you trying to say, Miss Granger? That I need you? That I am depended on you?!", he laughed meanly, "I could ask any other Slytherin and she would be glad to be doing this!"

"Then why pick me?", I stopped cutting an looked up at him.

"Because every other person would want some sort of payment and this", he made a hand gesture towards the cauldrons, "is the easiest payment."

"She needs toys."

"You need to listen: This is none of your business."

"I don't care! You can't do this, you're abusing your child..."

"How spoiled are you?!", he snapped, "A child without toys is being abused?! What world did you grow up in, Granger?!"

"I know what it's like when your parents don't have time for you!", I shot back, "I know what it's like to sit in a room all day and ask myself what I did wrong! Do you have any idea what that is like?!", I had started shouting without noticing, "If you already want to be so cruel and horrible, the least you can do is give her some fictional friends, so that she has someone or are you so damn ruined?!"

His eyes lingered on me for a moment before he said, "You can leave Miss Granger."

I didn't ask, if I was allowed to come back. I didn't care. I only cared for Fay.

And that's how it was from the beginning.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I giggled softly and his dark eyes turned on me,

"What?"

He was annoyed.

I smiled, "I'm sorry, I just never thought I'd be shopping for Toys with you, sir."

Not that we hadn't had children in my fantasy!

"Let's just get this over with!"

Yeah and that sentence hadn't existed in my dreams either.

A loud giggling couple was watching us and I turned away from them. Luckily we both knew how to dress properly in muggle clothing.

Still it must have looked odd: Hermione Granger and Severus Snape walking through a toy store. Me smiling and him looking grumpier than usual. Yesterday I had seriously thought I could forget being Fays babysitter again and then this morning he had shown up to talk to me and we apparated to the store.

"She likes the Lion King", I said after a while, "Nala is her favorite. So we could get her a Nala-Teddy, if we find one that is."

He looked at me and was clearly confused.

"The Lion King is a popular movie and Nala is a character from it."

_Please don't ask what a movie is!_

"I am aware of that Miss Granger. I'm not stupid. I was just surprised, that you truly are a insufferable know-it-all!"

"Or maybe you're just jealous, because I know more about your daughter than you do! ...Sir."

"Be quiet."

But I didn't want to be quiet. This was my chance. He couldn't take any points away from me and he couldn't start yelling loudly either.

"No", he stared at me angrily, "No", I repeated, "Why should I? After all these years, after everything you put me and my friends through, why should I not rub your face in the fact, that I know more about you own child after spending a few hours wither her and you her father know nothing?!"

For a moment I thought he might actually scream at me after all. But he didn't. He merely pulled me aside into an aisle full of Barbie dolls.

"Now you listen to me!", he sneered, as he pushed me against a shelf, "Just because you think you know things about me doesn't mean you get to talk to me like that! I can make your life a living hell, Miss Granger, do you want that?! I can give you detentions with tasks so horrible you beg on your knees that you can stop and I will not give in!"

I didn't slowly loudly and I didn't lower my eyes, "I'm sorry I talked to you in that way, Sir. But you have to see, that you're doing some mistakes. She...she needs love."

He continued to glare at me,

"She needs to know, that there is someone there who cares for her...she's confused an terrified, she doesn't know where she is..she needs a parent, Sir."

"It's your job to look after her", he said backing away, "Nothing more. So stay out of my business Granger, or you will regret it."

I gave it up. For then at least.

"Fine. She likes the Lion King."

"You've said that before, but this is Hogwarts. What do you think? That I can just conjure a plug?"

"Well no...but..."

"But what?"

"You could ask Dumbledore", I suggested, "maybe he could make sure, that you can just conjure a plug."

"We're here for toys", he seemed to be looking at the shelf for the first time, "What about one of those?"

I turned around, "Well if you buy one Barbie, you'd have to buy another one and a car and a house and a..."

"Alright", he interrupted, "no doll."

"We should get her books."

He eyed me suspiciously, "No. I won't let my daughter to turn out like you!"

Despite his insult I smiled.

"What?"

"This is the first time, you've talked about Fay, as if you'd care for her."

And before he could get angry at me again, I walked into a different aisle grinning brightly.

He caught up with me, "Where are you going?"

"I'm walking around until I see what I'm looking for."

"What are you looking for?", his eyes scanned the shelves around us.

"I'll know that once I see it. Oh! Look at that!", I pointed towards some blankets.

"She doesn't need that."

"Yes she does!", I tried to get it, but I couldn't reach it.

He smirked.

I glanced around.

"Don't", he growled, "even think about getting out your wand."

He stepped behind me and got it down for me.

"Thank you."

It was a "Disney Princess"-Blanket.

He sighed angrily next to me,

"She needs some happy things!", I said clearly.

"This is taking too long, Miss Granger."

"I can't help it, that you're so slow Professor!"

Growling slightly he hurried behind me.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You're back!", Ginny hurried towards me.

"Yeah", I sat down at the table.

"The boys are in the library", Ginny whispered.

"He told you about the dream?"

She nodded and I helped myself to some food.

"So where were you and Snape?"

"In a Toy store, looking for things for his daughter."

Ginny giggled, "must have been fun."

"So what's going on with Malfoy?"

She began to blush immediately, "It's...weird...ok?"

"I already thought of that much."

She rolled her eyes, "He asked me out and I asked him what the hell he's doing, then he wanted to talk to me. He said he likes me and would like to know me better..."

"and you said?"

"Well I said yes. He's..he can be really sweet you know and he doesn't like that his dad is a death eater he said so himself. And he only calls you a mudblood, because he thinks it's expected of him."

"How charming."

"He even hates Snape!"

I coughed, "Well..that's..."

"He's like...one of us."

I raised my eyebrows at her and she smiled blushing deeply, "I think I really do like him Herm."

"Do you want my approval?"

She laughed softly, "No. We're not getting married! I just don't want you to be mad, you're...my best friend."

"I'm not mad. You can date whoever you like, but be careful."

"Of course."

"I don't just mean because of the obvious reasons", I said sternly, "he might have more than snogging on his mind, so be careful."

She laughed, "I need to go...care of magical creatures. I'll see you later!"

"Wait!", I called behind her, "when are you going out with him?"

"This evening! We'll be in Hogsmeade!"

Then she disappeared out of my view. Normally I would have potions now, but all potions-lessons were canceled for today. So I made my way to the library to find Ron and Harry both reading with sulking expressions.

"Hey"

"Where have you been?", Ron asked.

I sat down next to Harry, "Snape took my to a Toy store."

Ron raised his eyebrows at me, "did he want to show you his bunny?"

I rolled my eyes, "Very funny, Ronald. It was for Fay, obviously. Have you found anything out?"

"We don't really know what we're looking for", Harry sounded sad.

"Did Ginny tell you who she's going out with?", Ron asked angrily.

"Yes. And I don't mind."

"You don't?!", Ron snarled, "Well..._we_ do!"

Harry quickly looked down at the book in front of him.

"I don't think it's the best idea, but she can date whoever she likes."

"It's not that simple", Ron was whispering now, but his tone was still angry.

"What do you mean it's not so simple?", I hissed, "He asked her, if she'd like to go out sometime and she said yes! It sounds quite simple to me!"

"This is Malfoy we're talking about! Do you think he just wants to go out with my sister? He wants a lot more than that!"

"yeah and?! Ginny will know what the right thing is to do! It's about time, that you just leave her alone and let her grow up. I don't think she's safe with Malfoy, but she will learn for herself!"

"It's not that I'm not letting her grow up...I'm just.."

"You're Just what?", I asked angrily, "being jealous?! If you worried about her, don't be. Malfoy would never rape anyone!"

I looked at Harry, "I'm sorry!"

"It's ok.."

"No. No it's not! I shouldn't have said that..."

"Yeah you shouldn't have!", Ron snapped.

"Lets just all agree on this:", Harry said, "we're all equally worried about Ginny, but we going to have to trust her. Meanwhile we all have other problems to take care of."

Ron turned pink out those words.

"What's going on Ron?"

"Nothing important. Harrys Problem is important!"

"Should I ask Snape for help?"

"No!", Harry and Ron said together.

"But he's..."

"No."

"And.."

"No."

"But.."

"No."

Harry shook his head, "what are you thinking? He's a death eater!"

"He's not a death eater Harry."

"Oh yeah? Where does he go, when he leaves you alone with the brat?!"; Ron sneered.

"She's not a brat!", I didn't care that I was yelling and I didn't care about Madam Pince either, "She's a wonderful little girl and just because her dad is such a mean bastard doesn't mean she is!"

Everyone was staring and I quickly sat down again.

"This is a library!", Madam Pince whispered rather harshly, "Do not speak in here!"

We didn't speak. Because in that moment a little girl came running up to me, "You're Hermione Granger, right?!"

"Yes..."

"This is from Professor Snape!"

She handed me a small piece of parchment and then vanished, before I could say thank you.

_Come to my office, immediately._

Sighing I stood up, "I'll see you guys later."

With that I hurried out of the library, glad to be rid of Madam Pince and the conversation with Harry and Ron.

I knocked on his door, which was opened forcefully.

"Is something wrong?"

I didn't dare to come in. He stepped back, "come and see."

Fay was crying. I could hear that much. Quickly I hurried into her room,

"Fay, Honey, what's wrong?"

She was in her bed sobbing uncontrollably, she said something to me, but I didn't understand.

"Calm down", I said, "I can't understand a word you're saying."

"I want my mummy!", she looked at me directly, as she yelled that and then buried her face in her pillow again.

"Fay...", I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what.

Instead I stood up and walked outside. He followed.

"What did you do to her?!"

"Nothing."

I couldn't believe that, but didn't say so.

"You've got to comfort her."

"Excuse me?"

I sighed, "You're her Dad, you need to comfort her! You need to make her feel loved and safe."

"I ...I can't do that!"

"Come with me!", we walked back into the room and I sat down on the edge of her bed, "Give me your hand!", I ordered firmly.

He didn't do so voluntarily, so I took his hand in mine.

"You've got to stroke her hair", I whispered, leading his hand we both stroked her hair.

"And her back", I lowered his hand, "and you need to tell everything is going to be alright, you have to make sure she believes that."

Fay sniffed and lifted her head, I let go of his hand and he let it rest on her back, I still saw her surprised look and then I closed the door.

"You hate me!", I heard her yell.

"I don't hate you Fay", he muttered.

"Yes you do!"

"I don't."

"Do!"

"Look every thing's going to be alright..."

"You don't talk to me! You don't read to me! You don't put me to bed!", I was surprised, that she was allowed to yell at him like that.

"I'm sorry", my mouth clapped open, "I don't know...listen I bought you some toys today, would you like me to get them?"

"Ok..."

The bed squeaked, as he stood up and I quickly walked back from the door.

"I'll be back this evening then", I said with a smile, before I walked out to the hallway.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The evening came faster than I had expected. I did go back to the library, but only to do homework and then I helped Harry. I let Ron copy some parts of my essay for history of magic and neither of us mentioned Malfoy or Ginny again.

Ron slammed a big book shut, "I'm going up to the common room, are you coming Harry?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

I put some books back in the shelf and expected Harry to have followed Ron, but he was still sitting at the table.

"Harry?"

"Can you keep a secret Hermione?"

I sat down, "Sure."

"I.._like_ Ginny."

"I know or at least I thought so. I..I see the way you look at her."

His eyes widened, "Does Ron see?"

I laughed, "Ron doesn't see anything, does he?"

"He likes you, you know."

I stood up, "I need to go. You know Snape."

"You shouldn't be doing this", Harry said, "he doesn't deserve your help."

He maybe didn't but Fay definitely did, "I'll see you later."

Before he could answer I had already left. I felt tears in my eyes and that was stupid. Things changed. Just because Ginny liked Malfoy and Ron liked me didn't mean the world was going to end!

But the on some level it did mean exactly that. How could we be best friends, if these stupid feelings were stuck between all of us:

Ginny liked Harry and was in the middle of getting over him, even though he liked her as well. Ron liked me, but I wanted him to be my brother and nothing more. I liked Professor Snape, who hated me.

Why couldn't we all just be in our first year again and be friends? Just friends?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm trying to hurry up and post more I WILL finish this story I promise maybe even this year;) Please review

Lmd


	7. Beginnings

Deal Sir, 7: Beginnings

Things had turned into a routine. Into something normal. The extra lessons with Snape, my time with Fay...all of that was suddenly something normal. Just like Ginny dating Malfoy. Harry was managing surprisingly well, but the biggest surprise was Ginny and Malfoys relationship: Sometimes they kissed, just small kisses thou...Ginny had told me that Malfoy wanted to take it slowly, something I never would have thought.

Like Harry she dropped a hint about Ron liking me, one I chose to ignore.

My parents letters were becoming less and less informative for some reason, but I hardly found any time to think about it. I had to take care of Fay, study, research with Harry, we were still trying to find out what his nightmare meant and through all that I still felt like something was wrong with me, I began to forget things, mix things up...it was strange.

Severus had managed to get electricity in Fays room. Obviously he had gone to Dumbledore. She didn't have a TV, just yet, but she had a CD-Player, so we listened to music and sang together. Fay loved her daddy and she was finally beginning to behave like a happy little girl.

No one saw any difference in him, he hid that too well. But when he came home earlier, while she was awake I saw the smile in his eyes, when he looked at her, the pride in his face, the happiness she brought him.

Fay was just telling me about her 6th birthday, when I heard a loud scream. Fay jumped and covered her ears, whimpering. I was torn between running out and taking care of her,

„It's OK", I gently stroked her hair, before rushing out.

The first thing I saw was the back of Draco Malfoy, the the unmistakeable hair of Ginny. She was shaking her head, trying to push him of her. She was the one, who had been screaming.

„Hey!", I yelled, Draco spun around to me a furious look on his face „Mudblood! What are you doing down here?"

„What are you doing?"

„Hermione!", Ginny sobbed, „Help me!"

I walked closer, seeing clearer what was going on. Ginnys shirt was torn, her make-up ruined and Malfoys disgusting hand was under her skirt.

There I stood, realizing how stupid I was. Hermione Granger, know-it-all, best friend of Harry Potter, Part of the fucking golden Trio had forgotten her wand. So I did the next best friend and through myself onto Malfoy, knowing he would have his wand on him.

„Ginny! Get help!"

Dracos fist collided with the side of my face and I cried out in pain,

„I'm getting some tonight, mudblood and I don't care if it's with you or anyone else!", he hissed into my ear.

My plan had failed, obviously Malfoy was stronger than me and I struggled underneath him,

„I'm starting to like this, mudblood!"

I could feel the pressure against my leg, he was starting to like it, but that didn't mean, that I was going to stop trying to get away from him.

„HELP!"

„Hermione!"

Draco and I both froze, Fay suddenly stood in the open doorway, „Is everything ok?"

„Fay!", my voice shook with fear, „Go back in your room and close the door!"

She didn't move, a look of pure terror on her face.

Malfoy was staring at her,

„Don't", I growled, „Leave her alone."

He grinned down at me, „Are you getting jealous, mudblood?"

This time it was my fist in his face, his grip loosened and I jumped up and ran to Fay, gently I pushed her inside Snape's flat,

"Go into your room", I whispered, "And close the door!"

Malfoy grabbed hold of my hair and pulled me back, he had his wand in his hand. I saw Fay close the door and then the pain began.

I'd heard him yell, "crucio!", before he'd actually done it. Since I'd been out in this hallway I knew it was going to happen.

I screamed.

I screamed and screamed as pain shot through my whole body, I cried, I begged, I hoped. Hoped for Ginny to find help, hope for Fay to be Ok. Hope for myself to survive this. Then at some point everything turned black and it was over. For now.

"Miss Granger? Hermione? Can you hear me?"

"You fucking bastard!"

"POTTER! Get out of here!"

"Harry, come on, let's move!"

"Draco, to the headmasters office."

"But sir, I swear, she attacked me and..."

"_Now_, Draco."

The pain was gone and yet it was still there. In the background, humming, waiting for a return.

"Daddy!"

"Fay, are you alright?"

"What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing she's just sleeping."

Right. Sleeping. Sleep was good. Sleep didn't hurt.

I was lying on a bed, or a mattress, something. Maybe I indeed was sleeping at the pain had never been real..

From the distance I could hear his calming voice,

"It's Ok, everythings alright, calm down..."

_I know,_ I wanted to say, _I know. I trust you._

But I couldn't say those words and when I heard him say,

"Look, would you like to hold her hand?"

I figured he wasn't speaking to me.

I felt her hand touch mine, in all the darkness and suffering, there it was. Hope. She was alright. She was safe.

My eyes opened and Fay threw herself against me with a sob, I gasped in pain. It was _so_ real. There he was, his hand on her tiny shoulder,

"Fay"

She turned to him and threw herself against him, his arms caught her and sobbed into his chest,

"Is she going to go away like Mummy did?"

I cared so much for the little girl, that her words hurt me more, than the curse had. Never, I wanted to say, never am I leaving you.

"No she's going to be fine", he lifted her into his arms and carried her out of the room. I closed my eyes, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be fine.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but I knew he would stay with her, until she had fallen asleep. That's the kind of Dad he was. When I heard the door to her bedroom close I slowly opened my eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Is she Ok?"

He sat down, and that's when I noticed that I was lying on a bed. Probably his bed. I sat up quickly and that made my head spin.

"Oh...", I pressed my hand against my forehead to stop it, but it didn't help.

"Easy", his hand were on my arms, steadying me, "You're going to have to rest, after a curse like that."

I lowered my hand and looked at him,

"I didn't attack him."

"I know."

"He was hurting Ginny and I saved her."

"I know."

"I sent Fay back to her room."

"I know."

"I..."

"Hermione", although he had used my first name earlier it made me shut my mouth in suprise, this was different, his voice was gently. Nice.

"You did the right thing."

Calming.

He had just praised me. Professor Severus Snape had just praised me!

"Here", he handed me a potion, I had no idea, where it came from, "this will make you feel better and it will help you sleep."

"Sleep?"

A look of unease passed his face, but he caught his guard quickly again, "It would be unwise to bring you to Madam Pomfrey now and...this whole thing will have to stay quiet, for now", a dark look replaced the previous uneasy one, "allthough I do not doubt that Potter has runined those plans."

"He was there...why was he there?"

"Miss Weasley went to him, it was a coincidence I was there."

He made it sound like that was something good and I understood.

"Harry would have killed him."

"Or Draco would have killed Potter. Which is the option I prefer."

Had he just made a joke? No. He wasn't smiling.

"Drink the potion", he said, while getting up, "It'll help."

"Wait!"

This time he was surprised by my tone.

"What's wrong with Fay?"

He sighed, "It seems she was there, when her mother was murdered."

"They let her live?"

His eyes met mine, "I've been asking myself the same question, Miss Granger. Good night."

I knew what the question was. Why on earth had Fay survived?


	8. The End

**Chapter8: The End**

**A/N: This is not the real end ;-) **

Some things in this story might raise questions, like what's with **Voldemort**, **Hermiones** memory and** Fays Mothers Death**, these questions **will be answered **throughout the story/in the end. I have not given this story up and it will go on and **it will have an ending**, which will (hopefully!) cleare up all questions there are. And if it doesn't: A Sequal is planned ;-)

* * *

Maybe this has happened to you before. You think your life is going right, you actually think and truly believe you have your life under control and then all of a sudden it just falls apart.

Draco of course didn't get into any serious trouble. I was allowed to pick the teacher, who was to punish him and I picked Professor McGonagell.

Ginny still wasn't with Harry, but they were a lot closer than they had been before.

Of course Harry and Ron were terribly upset, that Malfoy hadn't gotten a harsher punishment-like leave school and go to prison-but there was only one thing I kept on thinking about permanently:

The moment, when he had praised me. The moment in which he had said my name and I was so close to calling him Severus, because it felt like I was allowed to and he wanted me to.

Again and again I replayed that moment in my head, when I opened my eyes and I was in his bed. He had saved me, he had lifted me into his arms and helped me.

I daydreamed more now and my concentration was fading in over subjects too now as well. Everyday I told myself I'd listen to what the teachers were saying but it was hard, because that sentence,"Hermione. You did the right thing"was like a song in my head, replaying again and again.

„Hermione!", it was Ginny calling me.

I looked up from my dinner.

„Are you Ok?"

„I'm fine."

„You seem distracted."

„I'm not though, why would you think that?"

„Because you hardly...", she stopped talking and suddly had this confused look on her face.

„What?", I asked.

„Hermione, I need to speak you."

„Dad?", I turned around to him and jumped up, „What are you doing here? Is everything Ok? Did something happen to..."

„Everything's fine", he interrupted me gently, „I just needed to speak to you from face to face."

„Well, lets go outside", around us people were staring and they had good reason, it was highly unusual for a parent to just wander into the Great Hall.

„What's going on?", I asked the minute we were alone.

„Well...", he sighed, „the thing is your mother and I-we are getting a divorce."

„What? Are you serious?"

He nodded slowly, „Yes."

„But...why?"

Dad sighed and then he had that look on his face again. The one that told me he was bearing bad news.

„Because of you, Hermione."

I shook my head, „No. No."

„I never wanted you", he sounded desperate, „when I married your mum I married her and it was supposed to stay that way, but then she got pregnant and you came along."

„Dad..."

„Please!", he interrupted me, „Don't call me that, I hate it."

„But..."

„No buts, it's your fault that it has come this far, alright? Because you left for this silly school your mother had enough time to find herself a new man, I'm going Hermione, you're not my problem anymore."

„Dad! Dad!"

It was no use. He walked away.

Had that really happened? Had that just really happened, Dad, my Dad had just said those words?

„Hermione? What did your Dad want here?", Ginny suddenly stood beside me.

Well at least now I knew it wasn't a dream.

„Are you Ok?"

„Yeah", I didn't look at her, „Fine."

* * *

„Hermione? Can we listen to the Lion King CD?"

I had to laugh, „_Again_?"

„Yeees!"

„Fine...", I put the CD on and the minute the first song played she began dancing and jumping through the room.

„Daddy's been really nice to me!", she landed on the bed next to me.

„Really?"

She nodded excitedly, „He said we'll go away in the summer and soon I can start doing my schoolwork again!"

He'd told me about that, she'd gone to a school before, but because she was officially missing in the Muggleworld, he'd start homeschooling her.

„And he always hugs me before he leaves!"

I'd known about that too and it hurt me to see it, he'd just suddenly been sprung with this child and he took care of her without any protests and my Dad had been there all my life and he just gave up on me. Was I such a bad daughter? Why hadn't he wanted to stay in contact with me?

Fay was staring at me with wide eyes and I knew I had to answer her,

„That's awesome Fay, I'm glad your happy."

She didn't answer and after a while she asked,

„Hermione?"

The way she said my name I knew she wanted to ask me something, something she thought I wouldn't approve of.

„What is it, Sweety?"

„My Mummy...she's gone, right?"

I nodded, „Yes."

„Do you...is it Ok to talk about her sometimes?"

„Of course it is!", I stroked her hair, „You can talk about her as much as you like!"

„Even to Daddy?"

„Well...just try..."

„Can I talk to you?", she practically screamed, because she was so excited.

„Sure, tell me everything you want to about her, what did she look like?"

What kind of women was he attracted to?

„She was beautiful", the little girl spoke softly, gently, „With long blonde hair and blue eyes."

Blonde and blue. Of course.

„Was her hair curly?"

Fay shook her little head, „No, it was straight, like mine!", she beamed up at me, „And Mummy had this beautiful voice, she always sang for me, when I wasscared and she took care of me."

„Just like your Daddy does now."

„Yeah! She laughed a lot and we always had lots and lots of people at our home!"

„What do you mean?", I asked carefully, „What kind of people?"

„Men!"

Oh dear Merlin. Her mother had been a Prostitute?

„Fay, Baby, did you have a lot of toys?"

She nodded excitedly, „Sometimes they brought me some!"

I was about to ask her more, when a normally so cold voice softly and lovingly spoke:

„I know a little girl, that should be in bed by now."

Fay jumped up and leaped into his arms. He caught with a security, that told her he'd never let her fall.

A security I had lost, one I'd maybe even never had.

He held her for a moment, before setting her on the ground,

"Come on, I've got a surprise for you."

Curiosity got the best of me and I followed them. When I saw what he had gotten her, my moth spread to a wirde smile, I couldn't believe what I saw.

Neither could Fay,

"Is that a TV?"

"It is."

Her whole face lit up, "Does that mean I can watch videos?"

Smiling, he actually was smiling, he handed her a video of nothing else but the Lion King. Fay actually screeched with excitement.

"You can't watch it now thou, I'll set it up for you tomorrow", he took it from her carefully, "go and brush your teeth."

She did so gladly and once she was gone I shook my head,

"This is amazing."

He'd really changed and in such a short period. This little girl had won his heart.

"Go into the study, Granger."

Of course that didn't mean she'd _changed_ his heart.

Inside I sat down on my normal stool and waited for him to come. I could hear them both laughing and the sound of it drove through my heart. The jealously was unbearable and I hated myself for it.

* * *

"Hermione, please."

It was a week later. I cried at night and I stopped going to Potions two days ago. Ron and Harry constantly wanted to know what was wrong but I wouldn't tell them. I'd actually screamed at Ron so loudly, that he was now offended and didn't speak to my anymore. I was glad, I wanted to be left alone.

Ginny was the only one, who actually understood that. She gave me the privacy I needed. Harry was the one, who was annoying me the most.

"When you had that dream and you didn't want to talk about it, did I force you to?"

"No", he sat down next to me-I was sitting outside, one of the few places I could be alone, "No that's right you didn't, but please just tell me if there is something serious going on or if you'll be Ok in a few days again."

"I don't know."

"Well...if you want to talk I'm here for you."

That was right and somehow I knew that if there was anyone I could trust it was Harry Potter.

"Harry...if I told you something could you promise me, swear to me that you will never ever tell anyone about it, ever!"

"I swear."

"No", I sighed, "This is serious, no one can know."

"It's Ok, Hermione you can trust me."

"Alright...", I took a deep breath, "I'm in love with Snape."

He started to laugh and hit my shoulder softly, "That was a good one!"

I waited until he calmed down again,

"Harry, I wasn't joking."

His face immediately fell, "You...and him...and you're ok with it?", he suddenly jumped up, "Are you sleeping with him? Please, please tell me you are not sleeping with Professor Snape!"

"What do you think?"; I cried out, "Do you really think he'd ever even look at me like that?"

"I'm sorry."

I didn't ask him for what exactly he was sorry for and he sat back down.

"It's weird, and I know that...but I just can't help it", it felt so good to finally talking about all of this, "I just...I want to be with him and I want him to _want_ tobe with me and seeing him as a Dad, so caring and loving..."

"It makes it harder", Harry continued and I nodded sadly.

"So that's why you've been skiving Potions?"

"Yes."

"Well", he put his arm around me, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have to continue coming to Potions-class. We need you."

I smiled and tightened his grip,

"Neville's so scared without you."

That made me laugh out loud, poor Neville.

"There's more going in, but I...can't talk about it."

"Ok."

I just couldn't tell him about my Dad. What if he agreed with him? Maybe Dad was in the right here, I just wasn't a good enough daughter, if I were prettier and not such a know-it-all, maybe he'd still want me.

"I've got some good news for you", he suddenly said, "do you remember the Dream I told you about?"

I nodded, how could I forget?

"Well they've stopped I think the girl was Ginny, because the boy was definitively Malfoy."

"That's good", I smiled, "it's good they've stopped. How are you and Ginny anyway?"

"We're getting there.."

I stood up, "Listen I have to go and take care of something, we'll talk later Ok? And thank you Harry for not hating me and not judging me."

He shrugged, "Hey, you can't help who you fall in love with!"

"Thank you."

Ginny would maybe have been as nice about all of this, as Harry had been. I was surprised he was angrier actually, but maybe that was because Ron wasn't around. He would have exploded.

On my way to the Dungeons I felt sad, I knew I'd likely regret this decision, but I needed to do this. In the End it was for the best.´These feelings just weren't good for me.

He was very surprised to see me,

"Miss Granger, how nice of you to show, you're an hour early and by the way if you don't start showing up to my lessons you will be in big trouble."

This was it. The last time I'd be with him like this. Outside of the classroom.

"I quit."

I turned around and walked away. This was the end of my feelings.

* * *

As always you are awesome and I love you! Thank you for enjoying this story, it's so much fun to plan and so wonderful to share it with you gusy. YOU ARE GREAT !


	9. Can you feel the Love tonight ?

**Chapter9: Can You Feel The Love Tonight?**

Thank you for your reviews, they made me smile :)

* * *

„Miss Granger, I would like to speak with you after this lesson.."

„But Professor Snape, you said that yesterday!"

He didn't answer Dracos statement. Yes, he had told me to stay with him yesterday, but I hadn't obeyed his command.

Harry stood in front of him and let me hurry out of the classroom. He understood how important it was, that I needed to stay away from him, because it was so hard.

I wanted my job back. I missed Fay dreadfully. I didn't know who his new babysitter was-for I was sure he had one-but I didn't want to know. I was sure it was someone from Slytherin.

Once the lesson was over I pretty much ran away into the Great H all. Of course I wouldn't be able to avoid him forever, but I would do it for as long as I could.

"What does Snape want from you?", Ron asked, as he joined me a few minutes later.

"I told you, he wants me to take the job back."

"Why did you quit anyway?", Ron hadn't really been interested up until now, "I mean I 'm glad you did,but _why_ I thought you liked the girl?"

"I did, it was just too much stress and I mean, I never had an evening for myself, not to mention time to do all my homework!"

He shook his head at my last words.

"Hermione", Harry sat down next to me, "Snape is starting to get impatient."

I shrugged, "If he gives me bad marks for good work I'll go to Professor McGonagell, she'll sort it out."

"Yeah", Ron agreed, "That's a good idea."

Harry looked at me with a smile and I slowly, merely shook my head. He was the only one who saw it, because it was meant for him alone.

He wanted me to tell Ron about my feelings for Snape, but I was against it. Ron shouldn't know.

"Ron!", Ginny suddenly stood next to me and looked at her brother angrily, "_Come_ on!"

Sighing loudly he stood up and followed her. I was about to ask Harry what that was about, but he was faster:

"Hermione you'll have to talk Snape, just tell him what you told Ron."

"I can't lie to him, Harry, it's Snape, he would know straight away."

"Well you can't tell him the truth."

"Yeah thanks, I knew that."

"Look, why don't _I_ talk to him..."

"No", I interrupted him softly..

"I'll tell him you didn't dare yourself to speak with him and say that you were too str..."

"Maybe I'll stop going", I hadn't meant to interrupt him, I'd only muttered those words, but Harry heard them,

"Have you lost your mind, Hermione? You can't just not go, that's insane."

"Why? _Why_ would that be so insane? It seems like the most logical thing to me."

"What's logical?", Ron sat back down.

"What was that all about?", I nodded towards Ginny and the Twins, who sat further away.

"They wanted to talk about what we should give to Mum and Dad for Christmas."

"Really?", I asked surprised, "That's so nice of them!"

Ron rolled his eyes, "It was Ginnys idea of course...are you going home for Christmas, Herm?"

„well fay said there were many men..."

"Probably not."

"Why? Don't you usually..."

"Yeah", I stood up, "I just remembered...I need to check something up in the library..."

I still heard Ron say, "Blimey, she's weird today isn't she?"

* * *

I didn't go to Potions the next Day, I stayed in the library and when the lesson was ending I went to the Astronomy Tower. I hadn't told Harry or Ron about my parents, I had contacted my mother and as I had feared she blamed me for my fathers leaving.

This whole thing with my parents was a week ago. That's how long I hadn't spoken to Snape or seen Fay...I hadn't cried about what had happened and I hadn't written into my diary for ages, because it seemed so pointless, how would anything change, just because I wrote them down? It would only make them real, harder to forget.

It was that night, that I was finally able to cry, because it was then, while I was sitting in that tower, that I realized I had no one and no place to go to, because I knew no one would understand. Sure Harry was there for me and he knew about Snape, but how long would he be able to do that? When would he begin to judge me for it?

"Miss Granger?", I jumped, when I heard that voice. I hurried to the entrance, but he caught me, his hands touched my arm, gripping them tightly.

"_Not_ so fast."

"Listen, Sir...I just can't babysit Fay anymore, Ok? I'm sorry."

"I've understood that quite clearly Miss Granger, although I must say your method of breaking your contract with me was not a very polite one, that is not why I wish to speak with you."

"It's not?"

"No", he let go of my arms, "I want to know, what is wrong with you Miss Granger."

I stepped away from him, "wrong with me, Sir?"

"You aren't doing your best in your other subjects, you missed my lesson today, if you do attend the meals in the Great Hall, you do not eat enough, your friends look worried about you...something is wrong with you."

Slowly the tears I needed to cry so badly made there way down my face.

"Why do you care?"

He put his hand on my wet cheek, "Does it matter _why_ I care?"

With a sob I through myself into his arms and he caught me.

I told him all about my parents, and I even told him about my strong feelings for someone, who didn't return them. Obviously he didn't know who that person was.

He held me and he tried to calm me, he stroked my hair and had me pressed against his body.

"Listen to me", he held me away from him to look at me, "I can assure you none of this is your fault, if your parents treat you this badly, they do not deserve you."

"But..."

"No buts", he interrupted softly, shaking his head, "They do not deserve you."

I looked into his dark eyes, what about you? I thought, you treat me badly. Do you deserve me? Do I deserve you?

"I understood that you do not want to look after Fay anymore, but would you come with me anyway? She misses you."

"I miss her too", I whispered.

"Don't tell anyone I said this", he stepped closer to me, "but you would have been my first choice, even if you hadn't asked me for help a day ealier, that Parkinson Girl is a terrible association for my daughter, you are the only one I want near her."

My heart stopped in that moment, I was sure I would pass out any minute now.

„If you want to, you can come along now. Fays waiting for me, she'd be really happy to see you."

Did it really matter, if it hurt me? Being apart was almost as bad, as being with them and it was hurting her.

„I guess I could...sir can I ask you something? It's quite personal...but I was wondering."

„Miss Granger, even if I said no you would ask me."

The smallest of smiles crept unto my face, but it didn't last long, because I was afraid of his reaction to my question,

„It's just that...Fay was talking about her mother and she said that there were always lots of men in her house and her mum was really pretty...", although it was all coming out wrong from the very beginning I could stop talking.

„You think she was a prostitute?"

„well..."

„How else would Professor Snape ever be able to impregnate a girl, right?", his voice was dripping with Sarcasm.

„Sir!", I said loudly, „you know I am the last person, who would say anything in that direction."

He didn't answer so I tried again,

„I was just wondering...how she was, who she was."

„You're right Miss Granger", his voice was cold, „That is a very personal question."

„I'm sorry, I'll just go to bed and..."

„Wait, I'll tell you how I met her, it is personal, but you have a right to know, because Fay is so important to you."

I didn't reply and he began talking,

„It was about seven years ago. I used to spend my summer holidays in the Muggle-World, no magic for 6 weeks, no annoying people, like Malfoy or my students it was just simple muggle rules, I had a flat, a TV, electricity, everything a muggle needs", his voice changed, „I ran into Annie in a store, literally, I knocked all of her groceries down...we met up a lot that summer and we were happy for a long time. She obviously did not know about my magical skills, she lied to people, telling them she could see the future, told them everything they wanted to hear and tricked them into paying a lot of money. I told her many times to stop but she didn't and by the end of summer we were only arguing and I went back to Hogwarts an never heard of her again."

„So you never knew about Fay?"

„No."

Wow, Annie seemed like a bitch, to me, but that might have just been my jealousy talking.

„Now lets go, Fays waiting."

We walked in silence and when I entered Fays bedroom she jumped into my arms,

„Hermione! I missed you so much!"

He left us alone and Fay cried, only a little bit though.

„I thought it was my fault, that you left", she whispered, „Don't you like me?"

„Oh of course I like you!", I hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head, „You mean so much to me Fay and do you know what? I'm coming back again, you'll see me everyday!"

„Really?", she beamed, „Because Pansy is really boring, she never played with me!"

„Yes, really. Just let me go and talk to Daddy", I had to pull her little fingers of me, but eventually I freed myself from her grip,

„Professor? Can I be your babysitter again?"

„I knew you wouldn't have been able to resist."

„You planned all this?"

„Maybe...now come on I promised Fay we'd watch that film with her."

_That film_ was none other than The Lion King. It was nice to see it again , Fay lay between us on her bed and by the time Simba was grown up she had fallen asleep.

It was when Simba and Nala began singing about their new found love, that I reached out to pull Fays blanket higher and when he did the same.

Our hands touched and I felt it. I felt that he felt something in this touch. We didn't move, we couldn't. We didn't look at each other, we were looking at the TV, but I knew none of us was actually watching what was happening.

His hand felt nice on mine, right. My skin tingled and I was sure he felt it too, I hoped he felt it, because my heart was about to burst and it would be a tragedy if it was only mine alone.

The movie ended and he pulled his hand from mine to turn the TV of. I crept of the small bed and waited outside.

I wasn't shaking but inside myself, in my soul I was all messed up, my brain was turning in circles I couldn't think straight at all.

He came outside and miraculously I found my voice and the words came out in the right speed and order,

„I should probably go", I meant those words, it would have been good to go, the right things to do, but my feet carried me towards him.

„Yes", he came closer to me as well.

I wanted to ask him what was going on, what we were doing here, but I couldn't because then his lips were on mine and the reasons why we were kissing, what were doing didn't matter any more.

My hands got lost in his hair, his hands touched my waist and pulled my body closer to his and almost immediately, our kiss became faster more exciting and yet more meaningful.

I had never kissed anyone like this.

Victor Krum had wanted me and had kissed me, but I hadn't wanted him back as badly as I wanted this man, my teacher.

It was as if my body had been itching and his touch made it stop, the sweet release, the need of more...and the strangest thing was: he seemed to feel the same way about me.

* * *

Don't you just love Snape+Hermione? ^.^


	10. It is you

**Chapter10: It is you**

* * *

„Miss Granger, I'll be seeing you at five o'clock this evening", his whispered into my ear, so no one else would hear.

My whole body shivered.

We'd been doing this for three weeks now and we hadn't talked. Every night after Fay went to bed we would start kissing the second we were alone. At night all I could think about was him, during the day too, really. Every night I told myself I would talk to him, ask him what it was we were doing and if he...if he was only playing with me.

I hadn't told anyone about him, because frankly I was scared to hear exactly that.

Harry probably noticed something, but he didn't say a word. I made sure never to be alone with him, so I didn't have to talk about it. So it wouldn't end.

"Hermione?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"Do you think...that Daddy is going to get married?"

"Who would he marry?"

"I don't know", she rolled her big, beautiful eyes, "but I don't want _anyone_ to marry him!"

"Well-"

"Can you marry him?", her seriousness made me laugh, "I mean it! You the only one, who can marry him, Ok?"

I knew that he had bewitched the door, that Fay could hear nothing from outside. She had no idea, what was going on.

"You do know that your Daddy is my teacher?"

"Yeah and?", Fay shook her head, "That doesn't matter, does it?"

"I'm afraid it does", I tucked her in, because she had been on her way to bed, before she'd started asking these questions, "but I'm sure, if you Daddy does marry someone, you'll like her."

"I don't know, if I will."

She closed her eyes and I stood up,

"Goodnight Hermione."

"Goodnight, Fay."

I went outside, just as I was closing the door, he came through the front door.

"Is she asleep?"

I nodded, "Yes."

He walked past me and I followed him into the study.

His dark eyes met mine, "Are you alright?"

I looked past him, "Fine."

What was I supposed to say? That I was nervous and scared, that he wasn't really interested in me? That I afraid he would break my heart and wouldn't take me seriously?

Maybe I should have said something like that, but again I was pulled towards him, by something much stronger than Magic.

He pressed his lips against mine and pulled me against him tightly. Immediately my body responded and I pushed myself against him.

I noticed quickly, that it was different today. This kiss was wilder, more passionate, than it usually was between us.

We moved, he was leading me, I didn't know where to go. He opened a door behind me, as he pulled me with him, our lips never parting.

He turned around and pushed me onto his bed gently. We could have continued just like that, if I hadn't suddenly gone rigid.

He pulled himself away from me,

"We shouldn't do this", he whispered, as he sat up slowly.

"Yes", I grabbed hold of his shirt, "Yes we should."

"Have you ever done this before?"

For a split second I thought of lying, but I knew he wouldn't believe me.

"No."

He sat up further, "Then we definitively can't do this."

"Wait", I sat up now as well, "I really want this."

"It's your first time, it shouldn't be me."

"I want it to be you", I insisted, when he shook his head I continued, "You're the one I want to be with."

"But what about the person you told me about? You said there was someone, who you were in love with, and wh-"

"It's you", a single tear rolled down my cheek, "it's been you for a while now."

"Oh Hermione", he kissed me, this time it wasn't wild. It was sweet and it meant something, it was wonderful.

He touched places of my body that no one had ever seen before him. I sighed his name and he muttered mine. He made me feel special and at home. It was amazing how I could show him how much he meant to me and the fact, that he felt the same was the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my whole life.

* * *

A very short one :) Thank you for your reviews. You. Guys. ROCK !


	11. Happiness

Chapter11: Happiness

* * *

"Hey Hermione!", Harry called loudly, I was on my way to leaving the Great Hall, „Wait!"

He was going to ask me now, because the last few weeks things had changed, people were noticing these changes. Rumours about Miss Hermione Granger coming into the sleeping dorm in the middle of the night, or not showing up at all were being passed around in the school more than the rumour of Harry Potter the boy who lived being a Parselmouth.

I was happy and I was in love, I was sure no one had ever been in love the way I was. Severus, as I was allowed to call him, when we were alone, was the one thing in my life I had noticed was missing, but hadn't been able to define. And now I'd defined him _and_ found him. He was mine.

„Hermione!"

Harry had caught up with me and with a sigh I turned around to him.

"Go ahead."

"What? No! Have you already heard?"

I was utterly confused and he shook his head, „Forget it, come on I need to tell you something", he put his arm around me, leading me away from the nosy stares of people standing beside us, out of the Great Hall.

"Ok", he finally said, sighing, "I'm dating Ginny and Ron is fine with it."

I jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly, "That's brilliant! I am so happy for you!"

He held me just a second too long, but I didn't mind. He was worried about me, I understood that, but I also understood, that he would stick with me no matter what.

"Harry...", I let go of him and stepped back, "I'm with him, we're together."

I could see him fighting against saying something mean and desperately trying to say something nice. So he sighed,

"Are you happy?"

"Yes", a grin spread onto my face, "I'm so happy I could laugh and cry at the same time-_all_ the time!"

Harry smiled, "Ok", he put his arm around me again and we walked back the way we'd come from, "Then I guess it's fine", he looked at me sceptically, "You're not doing it with him are you?"

I couldn't help but giggle and Harry shook his head,

"Hermione, that is so d-"

"Harry I...I'm crazy about him, I'm in love and I love everything we do, Ok?"

It wasn't Ok, but just as Harry was a terrible Liar, he was also an awesome friend.

"Fine, alright. I suppose this is staying a secret?"

I nodded, "No one can know!"

" I hope you're careful."

"Don't worry, he doesn't want to loose his job and I don't want people to gossip about things they do not and never will understand."

"That's not what I meant."

I rolled my eyes, "Harry, _please_ we know how to _not_ get me pregnant!"

"That's not what I meant either."

Confused I stopped walking, forcing him to let go of the grip he'd had on me.

"What do you mean?", the amusement had faded from my tone.

Once again he sighed, "He's a man, Hermione. A grown man, who has certain...needs. Don't...just don't let him use you, alright?"

"I'm not some stupid little girl, Harry. I know what I'm doing."

"Really?", he raised his eyebrows, "How long have you been together and how long have you been sleeping with him?"

I backed away from him, as if he had hit me, "You are such a hypocrite! Just because you don't like him, doesn't mean you can just judge my relat-"

"Hey", he spoke calmly, "I would have said the same thing, if we were talking about Ron. It's just facts Hermione, men like sex and there are men who like sex enough to lie and use a girl. That's all I'm saying, I'm _not_ saying he's one of those men, because I don't know. I just hope that you do."

I bit my lower lip, before sighing loudly, "I hate it when you're right."

Harry grinned, before turning serious again, "Just be careful."

"I am the most careful person in this school!"

"No you're just the one who is scared the most."

"Shut up!", I playfully pushed him and he grinned,

"You're the cleverest of course!"

I shook my head over his silliness and didn't say my reply out loud: I was the happiest.

* * *

I could feel his eyes on me, as I cut up the roots we needed for our next potion. Despite the short time we had together I insisted on these tutoring-lessons, because I needed them.

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"You're looking at me with the 'I-Want-Sex-Eyes'."

He laughed, it was something I really liked, he had a beautiful laugh.

"You've been staring at those roots for ages, you can't see where I'm looking!"

I put the roots in the cauldron, "I don't need to see, I know."

I could hear his footsteps, as he came closer to stand behind me,

"That's because you are such a know-it-all..", his breath tickled my ear, as his hands came around my waist.

"I _do_ know everything, I know a man, who is ruining his chances of having Sex tonight", he chuckled and then turned me around to face him, when his eyes met mine the amusement had faded from them and the way he looked at me made me feel beautiful,

"I bet I can show you some things you _don't_ know."

Inevitably our bodies came closer, he looked down at me with a smile and I knew there was no way, I could resist him any longer. The potion and the tutoring forgotten I let him pull me into a kiss and then into the bedroom.

Being with him was a feeling I had never before experienced and never had dreamed about. Not like this. I hadn't thought it would really be this good.

Laying in his arms afterwards-listening to his heartbeat, my head resting on his warm chest as he carefully stroked my back with his fingers-I couldn't imagine ever being sad again. Or desperate. Or angry. It seemed impossible to feel anything negative ever again.

"Will you stay tonight?"

"Yes", I muttered against his skin.

Of course it was risky, that's why I didn't stay over every night every night, but today I wanted to stay and not think about the consequences. I'd do that tomorrow.

"When I'm laying here with you, it seems like everything's perfect, nothing can ever hurt me again", I whispered tenderly.

"I wish I could say the same."

Surprised I looked up at him and he sighed,

"Things aren't going well...but I can't talk about it."

The reason he wasn't there when I babysat Fay was still unknown to me, for my own protection. It had something to with him being a Death-eater, he'd showed me his Dark Mark and I knew he wasn't a real Death-eater. I was sure he was a Spy.

I was about to answer him, but a small knock on the door stopped me from doing so. His surprise mirrored mine, as he stood up, put on some trousers and opened the door,

"Fay, what ar-"

"I had a bad dream!", she interrupted him loudly, "Can I sleep here tonight?"

"Eh..."

I put on my clothes so quickly I was sure it was some kind of record,

"Of course you can Honey!", I called out.

He stepped aside letting her in and she jumped onto the bed, burying her little face in the pillows, Severus sat down next to her, gently putting his hand on her back,

"What did you dream?"

She didn't answer and I pulled back my hand, that had been stroking her hair,

"I should probably go..."

"No!", she looked up, her face tear strained, "No, stay."

My eyes met his and he nodded. We lied down, the three of us with her in the middle. She didn't tell us what the dream was about, she lay in her fathers arms, and I put my arms around her from the other side.

"We're like a family now", she muttered, before falling asleep.

In the darkness his hand found mine, he pressed it gently and I pressed his one back. Family. It didn't seem like we were a family now, it was more like we always had been one.


	12. Hate To Hear I told you so

**Chapter12: Hate To Hear "I told you so"**

**A/N: I'm really trying to finish this story before New Years Eve, thank you for your supprot and reviews. I'm not giving this one up because of you. Well, enjoy and if you feel like it tell me what you think :)**

* * *

I wasn't sure how this had happened, but blaming Harry seemed like a good idea. Because he had started this doubt inside of me.

"Hermione, come on."

Blaming Harry meant ignoring him.

Ron was watching us again, he did that a lot and I didn't know what to tell him. Because I could not tell the him the truth.

„Please", Harry muttered, before turning his attention elsewhere, probably looking for Ginny, the two of them were something romantic people would call perfect.

„What is going on with you two?" Ron finally asked.

I shot Harry an angry glare, "Nothing. Nothing is going on."

I'd never really had a best friend. I'd been part of the golden trio and one half of it-Ron-seemed to be in love with me, while the other part-Harry-was the one I could talk to about my relationship.

"Oh no", Ron suddenly went pale, "I forgot about that essay for Professor Mc Gonagall! I'll be right back!"

The second he'd left the table Harry snapped at me,

"What _is_ your problem?"

"What is my problem?", I shot back, "_Seriously_?"

"Do you want me to lie to you?", he hissed, because people around us were beginning to stare, "Do you want me to just shut up and listen to all you say to me, supporting every single step or do you want me to be honest?"

"You're not being honest, you're being mean."

Those words made him sigh, "I _told_ you, if we would be talking about Ron I'd say the same thing."

"But we are _not_, we're talking about...you never liked him any way!"

"That's not the _point_, Hermione!", his voice had risen and he fought to keep it quiet again, "Listen. These are the points, facts that have nothing to do with who we are talking about: He leaves the house every day for what? Three hours? And he doesn't tell you were he is going."

"He went there before we were together."

"And you're obviously not important enough to change that habit for."

I wanted to answer him, but Ron came back, smiling and telling me something about how Mc Gonagall wasn't angry at all.

While looking at him I tried to listen, but I only saw his lips move, none of his words seem to reach me. This was stupid. Harry hated Severus. That was the problem.

But I knew that wasn't true. Harry was being honest and he was worried. Severus was gone for three hours and I just blindly trusted him.

Harry said I didn't know him and in a way that was true, because there were many things about him, that I had no idea about.

"Herm? Are you listening?"; Ron looked at me with big, sad eyes.

"I..-I'm not feeling well, I'm sorry", with that I fled from the Great Hall, hurrying so that my friends wouldn't see the tears, that were threatening to find their way out of my eyes.

* * *

Something was going on with Fay. Ever since she'd had that nightmare, things had been different. We were like a family, at least Severus and Fay and Fay and I were. I wasn't sure about Severus and I in general.

But something else was up with her, she seemed distracted a lot. When we played "I spy" she wasn't looking properly and when we watched her favorite Disney-Films she didn't seem to be looking at the TV.

"Fay, Honey, are you alright?"

"Yes", she leaned against me, "I'm just tired."

"We can turn the TV off, then you can go to sleep."

"No!", her hand gripped mine, painfully, "No, I don't want to sleep!"

Carefully I pulled my hand away from hers, "I can stay, if you like."

"Until I fall asleep?"

"Sure, I'll be here and I'll leave the door open."

I stood up to turn of the TV and the light and then sat down next to her, before I'd finished tucking her in she had already fallen asleep.

I stayed with her for a while, until I was sure that she was sleeping properly and was alright. It was earlier than her normal sleeping time, but I too was exhausted. For a split second I thought of going to my dorm, but just because I felt like avoiding Severus I couldn't leave Fay. Not when she was behaving like this.

So I went to bed.

"Hermione? Can you hear me?"

"I...", confused I sat up, "what are you doing?"

The light was on, Severus stood in front of the bed, he looked strange, his usual soft gaze was cold and hard.

"What are _you_ doing?", he muttered, "You're the one who is in _my_ bed."

"Fay went to bed earlier so I d-"

"So you thought you could just sleep in mine? Don't you think that just a _tad_ too much work for a Babysitter to do?"

"I...I don't know what you mean...Babysitter?"

He sighed an impatient sigh, "Listen you should go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh yes you are", I hadn't seen him like this for a while, he had that kind of look on his face he usually wore when he talked to Harry. The way he had looked at me before, "I have a woman in the bathroom, who is on her way in here and I would like to be alone with her. There is no space for children in that situation I'm sure you'll understand."

"I d-"

"Severus!", a high pitched voice suddenly screeched, it was a woman, who was more beautiful than anyone else I had ever seen: She was tall with blond, straight perfectly tamed hair, her face was perfect although it didn't seem like she was wearing any make-up. Her body was proportioned perfectly, her chest was big, her hips wide and her legs long, her stomach was flat, well trained.

"What's this?"

I coughed, trying to clear my throat and at least sound like I had _some_ kind confidence.

"I'm his gi-"

"She's a student", Severus rolled his eyes, "And my babysitter."

The woman grinned and stepped closer to him, she rubbed his chest with both of her hands,

"I bet this happens a lot, a handsome teacher like you...", she threw her head back laughing loudly, "I'm sure you'll find many students in your bed!"

He laughed too, before turning to me,

"Hermione, I mean it: Leave or I-"

"_Hermione_?", the beautiful woman began to laugh loudly, "What kind of a name is _that_?"

Severus shrugged his shoulders, "Her parents weren't thinking when they named her, or when they raised her for that matter-she didn't turn out very well."

Tears burned in my eyes, "Severus", I whispered, "I thought we w-"

"You thought what?", he snapped, "that we were together? I'll tell you something: We had Sex, that's all."

"But-"

"No! No buts, just leave, Marianne and I still have some things to do", he pulled her against him and grinned.

I was still sitting in his bed, but the two of them didn't seem to mind.

"Severus."

He kissed that woman, Marianne, passionately, they came closer to the bed and I had to jump away, so they wouldn't fall onto me, as they fell onto the bed with loud moaning sighs.

"No...", I couldn't believe what was happening right in front of my eyes: Severus, my Severus was sleeping with this woman and I was just a babysitter, a student.

He stopped kissing her and took of his shirt, he'd wanted to throw it on the floor, but as he turned around he saw me and stopped in his movement.

"Oh for _Merlins Sake_! Get _out_ of here!"

But I couldn't move, I stood there frozen looking at him, how could this be the same person I had trusted so much? How was this possible?

Severus came towards me and grabbed my arm, his grip hurt.

"Goodbye", he literally dragged me to the door, he ripped it opened and pushed me out into the hallway. Then he slammed the door shut.

_We had Sex, that's all._

I began to cry and I hated myself for it. I didn't know where to go, I only knew that I had to get far away from here.

I didn't bother to wipe away my tears, I knew they would come back. Harry was right, he had been all the time and I should have listened to him. I didn't come very far, as soon as I was around the corner I sank to the ground and cried, sobbing loudly. I now had lost everything.


	13. The Truth

**Chapter13: The Truth**

_You guys are awesome. Thank you for your reviews. _

* * *

"Hermione?"

Surprised I opened my eyes, my face was wet from my tears. Darkness surrounded me.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

I wasn't in the hallway, I was in bed. His bed. I gasped loudly, sitting up. The tears were coming again I was sure they had never stopped.

"What am I doing here?"

"Why are you asking me that?", he sounded amused, "You're in my bed."

"Wh...what? What's with Marianne?"

"Who's Marianne? Are you alright?", the amusement had faded from his voice and when I felt his hand on my forehead I backed away.

"Hermione, wha-"

"You slept with her!", I interrupted him with a cry,, "You slept with her and you said I was just a babysitter and a ch-"

"What are you talking about?", he interrupted, "I just came home."

"You said we were onl-what? What time is it?"

"Half past eight, I was a bit late. I'm sorry."

I reached for the light next to the bed,

"Wh..._half past eight?_", I checked the clock hanging on the wall opposite the bed, "But...Marianne and you...you said..."

"What did I say?", he asked softly, as he sat down on the edge of the body, "You must have had a nightmare."

"It was real. It _felt_ real."

"Hermione, y-"

"I'm a babysitter, a child and you and Marianne, she's so pretty and you were mean and Fay...you never _actually_ mentioned Fay and Marianne was so pretty, she was s-"

"Hermione", he interrupted softly, as he leaned forward and took my face in his hands, I flinched but didn't move back, "tell me what happened, step by step."

"You said I was just your babysitter and a child and that this was just sex", I sobbed, "You told me to leave and you had a woman with you called Marianne, she was beautiful a blonde with straight hair."

He moved closer but kept his hands on my face, I averted my eyes and immediately he said,

"Don't.", his finger caressed my cheek, "Look at me. Please."

I did him the favor, the look in his eyes was soft and warm, not like the last time.

"I'm going to say something now and I want you to listen closely, because it is important and you shouldn't forget it. Ever", he took a deep breath, "I do not see you as a child, or a babysitter or even a student. This is much more than just Sex for me and...I love you."

His words reached a part of me deep down inside my soul and they fixed something that had been broken, since I'd seen him with Marianne.

"I love you too, I think in a way I always have."

He kissed me and when his lips met mine I didn't flinch, I leaned into it.

"Wait...", he pushed my face away gently, breaking the kiss, "Maybe, we shouldn't do this."

"Don't you want to?"

"Yes", he kissed my head, "Yes, I do."

"But wh-"

"_But_, I think we just shouldn't do it today, look at you. You're totally confused and...", he frowned at me, "are you shaking?"

"No! Yes. Maybe..."

Shaking his head he put the blanket around me, pulling me against his chest.

"Fay went to bed early today", I muttered, "And then I went to sleep and...had that nightmare."

It sounded so stupid and childish now. I felt embarrassed.

"You're still shaking."

"I also have a headache and I feel...", I broke off.

"You fell what?", he immediately sounded concerned, "Should I take you to the hospital-wing?"

I had to laugh, "What would that look like?", I closed my eyes, "Please just talk to me about something."

"About what?"

"Anything...", I opened my eyes again, "Tell me about Annie."

He seemed confused, "Do you want to know about that?"

"Yes."

He sighed, "Well...you know how I met her, what would you like to know?"

"What did she look like?"

"Well...she had dark brown hair, shorter than yours, a bit like Fays. And blue eyes. She was pretty, but not like you. You're beautiful."

"Tell me more about her hair."

Severus rolled his eyes, "It wasn't like yours, it was straight, boring and lank..."

That made me smile.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well...", he thought about his question again, "What about Krum? Or Weasley?", I could see a flicker of interest in his eyes, "Or _Potter_?"

I only shook my head, "No, no and No. I mean I liked Victor, we went to the Yule Ball and we kissed, but Harry and Ron...they're like my brothers."

"Weasley does not see you as his sister Hermione, even I can see that."

I ignored his comment, "Anyway, I never...I've never felt this way about anyone else...before."

He grinned, "Me neither."

"Really?"

"Really."

"What about..", I stopped mid-sentence, "Well..Lily?"

"Lily?", he repeated, "Lily Potter? That's just...that's...", he sighed, "Yeah, it's true."

I didn't pressure him to keep speaking.

"I...I always thought I loved her, I...I _did_. I did love her, but I never really _had_ her, do you know what I mean?"

I nodded, all though I wasn't really sure.

"She was always Potters. From the very beginning, she was never mine. I loved her, but it was different than my love for you. My love for you is hopeful, it's the future. Everyone else was just a fling and Lily was a hope, that was never fulfilled. You are. You're everything and much more, than I wanted Lily to be."

I kissed him, afraid that he would see my tears. When we parted from each other he smiled,

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yes."

That wasn't true, but I was sure if I just had a good nights sleep I'd feel better.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

I bit my lip and he smiled,

"You do that a lot, whenever you're afraid to ask me something. Don't hesitate, just ask."

"Well..where do you go when I babysit Fay?"

His eyes left mine and he didn't answer.

"I'm sorry", I quickly said, "I shouldn't have asked, it's none of my business."

"It's...", he looked at me again, "I can't tell you, because it will be dangerous for you, that's all I can say."

"Ok."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

He held me in his arms and my sleep was peaceful. My head felt strange, it felt as if someone was poking around in it. If it wasn't gone tomorrow I'd take a potion. It was in the middle of the night, when I woke up gasping loudly, my hand clutching my abdomen

"Hermione?", Severus' voice reached me from somewhere far away, "Are you alright?"

He took my face in his hands, "What's wrong?"

"No..Nothing, it just a bad dream."

The pain had vanished, when he had touched me But the doubt stirring in my mind could not be stilled.

I wasn't pregnant. I couldn't be. I just couldn't be.


	14. Disaster

**Chapter14: Disaster **

_I'm glad to see, that the hits on this story are going up again, enjoy this next chapter!_

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After throwing up once more I went back inside the Common Room. This was a disaster. I couldn't do this. It couldn't be true.

"Ok", Harry said, as he took me aside, "That was the first and last time, that I sneak out of school and buy a pregnancy-test, alright?"

"Yes! Fine! Just give me the damn thing!"

"I could have just stolen one out of the hospital-wing, you know."

"No!", I was really getting impatient now, we had had this conversation too many times, "Madame Pomfrey will notice and complain about it and he will know it was me!"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Do you know how many girls could have stolen it? You're not the only one who is having Sex you know."

"_But I'm the one he knows very exactly about!_"

"Just go and do the test, Hermione."

I didn't move.

"We'll get through it, if it's positive. Up until then we're going to stay optimistic Ok?"

"Harry. I've been puking non stop for 3 days."

"Stress can do that to you."

I sighed loudly, "_Harry_!"

"Go and do the test. I'll be here."

I did as he said, sure that I would throw up again some time soon. Taking the test was hard, I was not relaxed enough for this.

"Oh please. Please. _Please_!"

After biting my lip until it bleed I finally dared myself to look.

"_Yes_!"

I threw it in the bin and ran back to Harry. Tears of joy streamed down my face and as I ran to him I flung my arms around him.

"It's negative!"

"Thank Goodness!", he hugged me tightly.

"Hey, you guys what's going on?", Ginny eyed us suspiciously.

"Hermione did amazingly well on her Potions-Test", Harry quickly lied, "Even though she was so sure of failing it!"

"It's stupid, I know"; I wiped my tears away.

The puking would stop, as would the not-sleeping. Things would finally go back to normal again.

"Ok...", Ginny didn't look convinced, but she played along, "Would you like to celebrate it somehow?"

Harry grinned, "And how do you want to celebrate? We can't just go out to Hogsmeade, besides, it's the middle of the day."

Ginny grinned back at him, "I know something we could do..."

"Ok", I stepped away from Harry, "I guess I'll leave you two alone."

Maybe I could see if Severus had any time for me. Fay and I could play some games.

"Actually", Ginny stopped me from backing away further, "I was hoping you would join us, I have something I want to show you...besides, I hardly see you anymore!"

Behind her back Harry nodded agreeing with her. She was right, I had been neglecting my friends for some time now.

"Ok, fine. Where are we going?"

Ginny smiled happily, "Great! Let's meet in twenty minutes at the room of requirement."

"Alright", Harry looked just as confused as I felt.

I went into the library, out of a habit really and because I was avoiding Ron. Severus comment had really stuck with me.

I was in an deserted aisle, not even knowing what books I was looking at, when a voice behind me suddenly said,

"Why Miss Granger...what are you doing here?"

Grinning I turned around, his smile was mischievous.

I did not respond, but nodded towards the end of the aisle. Severus nodded, before pressing his lips lightly against mine, before whispering,

"Would you like to come over?"

I smiled apologetically, "I can't...I promised Ginny and Harry I'd hang out with them."

He stepped back, looking disappointed.

"I'm sorry, I'd much rather do something with you and Fay, you know that", I lowered my voice, "But Ginnys right, I really have been neglecting them all the last couple of weeks", I stepped closer to him and whispered into his ear, "I'll be with you this evening."

"Yeah", he smiled, "I can't wait."

After one last kiss, he turned around and left, leaving me to stare after him, wishing I could go with him.

* * *

Ginnys big surprise was alcohol. I didn't drink that much, because with whatever was going on with my body, it didn't seem like a good idea at the moment. Ron came as well and the four of us sat in the room of requirement drinking and just having a good time. In here we could forget all about school and other things bothering us. We were just four friends, each having the times of our lives and celebrating them seemed like a good idea, because things could change rapidly, without any of us having any control.

In here we had control.

When it was time to leave I wasn't sad. I wanted to see Fay and I wanted to see Severus, I loved them both so much it was painful, whenever I wasn't around them.

They were everything for me now, the reason I got up in the morning, the reason I put myself through the day and the reason I couldn't stop smiling no matter what happened.

I was finally where I belonged. At home.

I had to fight the urge to skip all the way to the dungeons.

"Hey!", I kissed him and this kiss was much longer, than the one in the library.

"Hey yourself", his grin was wide, "I haven't seen you this happy for a while now."

"Well, I'm back", I kissed him again, "And you might want to get used to it."

"I would love to."

"Hermione! Hermione!", I felt Fay tug at my arm, "Come on lets play!"

Severus laughed, "It looks like you are needed elsewhere...I should go anyway", he kissed me one last time and then lifted Fay up into his arms who giggled loudly, "Bye Princess!"

"Bye Daddy!"

As he walked past me he pressed my hand, "I love you."

Fay was pulling my arm again and when I turned around and told him I loved him, the door was already shut and he was gone.

"Come on and play Hermione! I've got new Barbies!"

I followed her into her room. The next hour was great, we played with her new toys, we laughed and by the end Fay was tired again and then things weren't so great anymore. I was tired as well and suddenly it seemed hard work to look after her.

And it got worse, when she burst into tears.

"Hermione!", she threw herself into my arms, "I'm so scared!"

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to go to sleep anymore! Please!"

Oh, _I_ wanted to go to sleep. Badly.

"Fay, Baby, just calm down."

"No! You don't understand!", she was screaming now, her small voice was seriously hurting my head, "You've got to make it stop!"

"Make what stop? Have you been having nightmares?"

She sobbed uncontrollably and I wished for Severus to be home. It was hard to imagine now, that I had been the one to show him how to comfort her. I had no idea what to do.

"Please make it stop."

"Ok, Ok", I was trying to calm myself more than her and stood up, taking her with me and leading her to the bed, "It's Ok Fay, it's alright, I'm here, I'll look out for you."

She needed to sleep, we both did. Even if it wasn't even seven o'clock yet. Fay continued crying and I stroked her hair, hoping she would soon fall asleep, so I too would be able to rest.

A sudden scream ripped me out of my peaceful sleep. But it wasn't sudden. It was a long, anguished scream. Someone was in pain. Fay was in pain.

I jumped out of her small bed and hurried to the study, where Severus and I had practiced potions together-it seemed so unrealistically long ago now.

"Fay!"

Her tiny body was lying crumpled on the floor, if it hadn't been for the screaming I would have thought she was dead.

The second my hand touched her she began twitching and her screams became louder.

"FAY!", I tried to be louder than her, had to scream at her, so that she would hear me, "Fay tell me what happened!"

"I drank a potion!"

Everything in me seemed to stop, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe.

"Which one?"

_Why? Why on earth would you do that?_

"The pink one!"

This was not good. I had no idea what potion she had drunk.

"Ok..Ok..I'll get help."

"DADDY! I want Daddy!"

There was no way I would be able to contact him.

"I'll find som-"

"_DADDY_!"

"**OK!**", I screamed at the top of my lungs and she began to cry, "Ok, Ok I'll find him."

I ran to the door, but before I could reach it, it swung open, nearly hitting my face.

"What's going on in here?"

"Severus! Thank goodness, you need to come, quick! She dra-", he pushed himself past me, interrupting me and I hurried after him, "She drank a potion!"

"Fay?"

"Daddy, it hurts!"

He fell onto his knees, beside her, gently he lifted her into his arms.

"I'm here Baby, don't worry. You're going to be Ok."

Her body was still twitching so terribly.

"Fay? Tell me which potion it was, which one did you drink?"

"The...the...pi...pink one!", she was in so much pain, that she couldn't speak properly and that made me cry.

Of course she would take the pink one, it was her favorite color.

"Where the hell where you?", he suddenly snapped at me, as he pulled her against him and walked past me, "You were supposed to look after her!"

"I...I was asleep, I'm sorry."

"Daddy...Daddy..she made me..Hermione said I had to take the potion", she was crying, but was able to speak clearly, "she...she said I had to because I was in her way!"

"_What?_"

He would surely understand, that she was not speaking the truth, that something was wrong with her, that she couldn't think clearly.

But then he turned around to me, a look of pure hatred on his face. Hatred I had never seen like that before,

"You better be gone when I get back", his voice was calm, but it shook with anger, I heard it exactly.

He walked away and she looked over his shoulder, directly at me. I saw it in her eyes then, that she hadn't meant this, that she had been forced to do this and that she was so very very afraid.

I jumped as the door slammed shut.

"Ok", I whispered, "Things will be Ok."

They were my family, we would get through this. That wasn't a question.

* * *

Reviews are awesome guys, just like you :)


	15. Now Half Of Me Is Left

**Chapter15: Now Half Of Me Is Left**

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_A/N:_ **There is a lot of swearing**. _Sorry I am so slow and thank you for your reviews!_

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_Love of my life, my soul-mate. You're my best friend. Part of me, like breathing. Now half of me is left. (Hope-Who Am I To Say?)_

* * *

It had been a day since the terrible incident. I had thought about this very thoroughly. Before I spoke to Severus I had to speak to Fay.

No one knew what had happened, they knew there had been an accident. Severus had been seen carrying his unconscious daughter into the hospital-wing. Of course Harry, Ron and Ginny had questioned me, but I had kept quiet.

Until now.

"Harry?"

"Hermione, are you alright?"

No, I was so far from being alright I wasn't even sure if there was a name for it.

"I need you Invisibility-Cloak."

"For what?"

"Please, Harry", I begged, "just give it to me."

He didn't think about it any longer and I was glad about it. Not even two minutes later he was handing it to me.

"I trust you won't get into trouble?"

I smiled, "Don't worry about me."

After one last nod at him I pulled the cloak over me and breathed a relieved sigh of finally being unseen to the rest of the world and being able to be by myself completely.

I knew better, than to just go into the hospital-wing.

Instead I waited outside and I did not have to wait long. When he came out, he looked terrible, he was deeply hurt and that was somehow my fault. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn't do it, it would have done no good.

Once he was gone far enough I opened the door and slipped inside. Fay was no where to be seen, but that wasn't surprising, he would have put her in a separate room, to protect her from the nosy stares of his pupils.

The first door I opened was the right one and Madam Pomfrey was not there. I sighed again, again I was relieved.

"Fay?"

She whimpered, she was terribly afraid, so I quickly pulled the cloak off to show myself.

"Honey, it's me. It's Ok.", I sat down on her bed, "is it alright, if I visit you?"

She shook her head, "Daddy, doesn't want that."

"I won't stay long."

Her bottom lip quivered and I couldn't believe it. She was afraid of me. I didn't know what to say.

"Hermione! I'm sorry!", she suddenly sobbed, "I'm so sorry! He said I had to blame you or I'd be dead and so would Daddy!"

"Who?", I had to fight to stay in control, "Who said that, Fay? Who forced you?"

She was shaking terribly hard, I was afraid for her, but I couldn't comfort her. I _needed_ her to speak.

"The man with the white hair", she whispered,.

"White?", I repeated, "Is he old?"

Fay nodded, "He calls himself the Boogeyman."

I didn't know what to say, I had no idea what she was talking about.

"He was in my dreams", she began to cry again and I pulled her against my chest,

"It's Ok, Honey. Everything's Ok. I wo-"

Hands grabbed my arm so harshly, that I cried out in pain.

"What the hell are you doing here?", he screamed into my face.

"Severus!", it was Madam Pomfrey, "Severus please, your daughter needs to rest!"

So he dragged me out of her room, so that she could take care of Fay, who had started screaming.

"She'd just calmed down!", he roared, "She'd just managed to fall asleep and then you come!"

"You don't understand!"; I cried out desperately, "She lied! She sa-"

"Shut up!", he interrupted, "Do you think I don't know what this is about? You can't accept, that I love her the most. That she is more important!", he still held my arm in a tight grip and leaned down, his face just inches from mine, "You'll have to get used to it, because you are nothing. You're a terrible person, who hurt a little girl, but that's not what you need to understand. What you need to get is that you are replaceable. I could find any other girl just like you and I don't love you. I love Fay, she is my number one priority. So get out of my life, Hermione. Don't even _think_ of coming back. Ever."

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I have come to realize, that life carries on, no matter what happens._

_Harry and Ginny had their first real argument and I listened to each of them, they made up and I listened to Ginny go on and on about being afraid of being pregnant, then I listened to all of her stories about the great celebration because she wasn't pregnant._

_Everything carries on except for me._

_Some days I just sit and wonder what I should do. I am not bored, I just don't know why I would want to do anything in the first place, it all ends badly anyway._

_I have not seen Fay or Severus for three weeks now and I also have no friends, because who would want to be friends with me?_

_I'd told Harry what had happened, but only because he told me he'd go to Severus himself if I didn't start talking. And then when he noticed, that after a month I still seemed frozen he gave me a "pep" talk, that went something like this:_

_"Hermione! I am so sick and tired with this! He's left you, he dumped you like trash, without listening to what you had to say! And that girl is obviously disturbed so just get over both of them and start getting a grip! My Goodness! You're just pathetic and so annoying!"_

_It did help, in it's on way. Because if Harry was being this exhausting I decided to start doing more with Ron, who didn't know about anything and therefore couldn't say such things to me._

_However soon Ron started a speech of his own,_

_"Hermione, I think I love you. I think I've loved you since I first met you that day on the train and I get that you might not feel the same way, and if you only want to be mates, then that's fine. I just want you to be happy and I just had to tell you because...well I had to know, you know?"_

_So I kissed him, because he said things to me, that made me want to carry on so badly. His words made me want to want to do things again._

_In a way I do love Ron, it's just not the right way._

_So in the last two weeks I have been kissing Ron, giggling, smiling and doing all those things people wanted me to do._

_Until tonight._

_Ron and I have been kissing differently lately, more passionate and wildly. We were in the boys dormitory and it was nice in its on way._

_But then it got too nice, because I know, that I do not share the same feelings as he does and I just didn't want to lie to him like that._

_So I stopped him and made it clear, that I was not going to sleep with him tonight._

_These were his words, I will write them down, even if they are already forever etched into my heart and mind:_

_"You spread your legs for that greasy old bat, but you won't do it for me? What is wrong with you?"_

_Ron knows and I have no idea how Ron knows, but I have a terrible idea. All those things Draco Malfoy has been saying to me these last few weeks..._

_It is terrible. I cannot write it down._

_My dear Diary these are the last words I shall ever write, I want them to be pure and true. And they are, they are also the most important words, that have ever left my mouth._

_Severus Snape, I love you._

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

_(That was an authorized joke, because I'm the author...ok, that was a terrible pun, **THAT WAS NOT THE END!)**_

* * *

"Hermione! What on earth are you doing?"

There was panic in his voice. That surprised me.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Stop it!", he took my arm, "Get away from there! This is serious!"

I looked into the flames, "No it's not Harry. It's just me letting go of the past."

"Those are _all_ of your diarys?"

"Every single one."

The dreams of being with my Professor, the longing, the wishes for the future...it made me sick. It had to be destroyed.

"What are you doing here anyway?", I turned away from the fire to look it at him.

"Well it is the common room, you know."

I sighed, "Harry please stop this, there is no ne-"

"Hermione, I'm sorry", he stepped closer to me, "I've been a terrible friend and I'm going to help you."

"Help me?"

He nodded, "We can go to the library right now, if you want. We can take the cloak."

I sat down in the armchair by the fire-which was still eating all of my memories, my words and thoughts,

"It's useless, there's nothing to find. You were right the Boogeyman is just a fictional, muggle invention."

"Maybe I'm wrong!", he sounded desperate, "Maybe it is real and I mean why would Fay think of something like that? You were important to her-you are important! I think something is going on Hermione."

I didn't answer him and for moment neither of us spoke, until I whispered.

"Harry, has he been talking about me?"

I could see the way he bit his lower lip, thinking about what the right thing was to say and I knew then.

"Just tell me what it is, please."

"He...he says...Hermione I do not think this is a good idea."

"I can go and ask Ron, he will tell me."

Harry didn't answer.

"Please, Harry! I am begging you, Ok?"

"Ok. When you first didn't show in potions he said he'd never expected anything from else from such a-", he hesitated and I urged him to continue, "from such an ugly annoying know-it-all."

"What else?"

"He...whenever he has the opportunity he says something mean about you, if Neville messes up he says something like "that fat bushy-haired fool isn't here to help you"."

"Fat?"

Bushy-haired.

I remembered how he'd compared my hair with Annies.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry."

"Is there more?"

"The Slytherins love it, it's their new game. They say your name or they ask him a question like "Sir what is it you hate must about Hermione?" and then they love to watch him get all worked up." I could see the pain in his eyes, it was hurting him to tell me these news, "I'm so sorry."

I could see the plea in his eyes and decided to stop asking him questions and stood up.

"I'm going to bed, tomorrow we're going to the library ok?"

"Yes", he seemed relieved, "Good night"

"Good night Harry."

* * *

"Hermione, you have got to eat something."

I shook my head or maybe I nodded. It didn't matter. What mattered was the Boogeyman. I had to find out who he was. He had destroyed my life and I was sure if I could just find out who he was, then I'd be able to sort everything out again. Severus would listen. He'd understand.

Harry sighed loudly and I looked up from my book with a smile.

"You're killing yourself."

"I am not", I took a piece of bread and bit into it, "There. Are you happy now?"

I would not call it killing myself. It was just that at the moment there was nothing more important than finding the Boogeyman. Not even sleeping or eating.

"We should get going."

We still had some time, but I knew what Harry was doing. The only time I wasn't researching the Boogeyman was when I was in class.

That was the only time Harry could talk to me.

"So...", he muttered as we left the Great Hall, "What are you doing for Christmas?"

"I'm staying here", obviously, "I'm living in the library for two weeks. You know that."

"Yes...but I was thinking we could go to Sirius' place, you know, since neither of us are welcomed at the Weasleys anymore."

Those words made me sigh, "_You're_ still welcome, you're Rons best friend and Ginnys boyfriend."

"_And_ I'm also still talking to you."

I quickened my pace.

"He's really angry Hermione, he thinks I should stop talking to you too."

Just like the rest of them had.

"Ok, fine. It was stupid to start talking about Ron", he panted, "but would you please slow down? I have an idea to help you with this Boogeyman."

I stopped immediately and spun around to him, "What is it?"

"Well...", he suddenly seemed unsure about his idea and I knew he didn't want me to get too excited about it, just in case it didn't work, "I just thought you could ask Sirius and Remus about it", he shrugged, "Maybe they'll have an idea."

"Yeah, maybe."

We stepped into the classroom and turned around to say thank you to Harry, but a voice stopped me from doing so.

"How nice of you two to join us, I was already beginning to you didn't attend any classes any more", it surprised me how I voice that had once been so loving and gently could turn so cold, "Of course it's not really nice, it's a pain to see your ugly face."

I didn't flinch and I didn't turn around and walk away. I pretended to be strong. Harry sat down next to me, not avoiding, but ignoring Rons glare.

"So what have you been doing in this course? Professor McGonagall didn't leave a note for me."

No one answered. I concentrated on staring at my table. There was only a certain level to which I could fake strength.

"Seriously? Not even the Know-It-All can tell me?"

I had to forget about pretending to be strong, the only task I had to fulfill was to try and not break down in tears. That was all for now.

* * *

Shitbag. Ugly Bitch. Unloved. Dirty. Exhausting .Twisted. Dork. Whore. Fuckface. Stupid Girl. Jackass. Fat. Weirdo. Know-It-All. Terrible. Disgusting. Lardass. Makes My Head Hurt. Retard. Unattractive. Mudblood. Crap. Slut. Evil. No friends. Dumbshit. Freak. Hoe. Cunt. Fatass. Outcast. Idiot. Moron. Smelly. Skank.. Lameass. Dark. Fag. Bampot. Unlovable. Bastard. Sick. Loser. Bushy. Motherfucker. Shit. Nothing. Douche. Asshole. Fucktard. Prostitute. Gross. Weird. Crybaby.

Hermione Granger.

Not all of those words came from him. But didn't make it any better. Everyone seemed to be saying things. Even Luna and Ron. And Neville. Everyone but Harry. But he'd finally stopped arguing with everyone.

There was no point.

Malfoy had a lot of fun. Thinking of new words just for me seemed to be his new hobby.

I didn't have any hobbies.

The only thing I had was one goal: To find out who the Boogeyman was and get my old life back.

Harry was there for me. But even he couldn't stop the lonely nights, where I cried myself to sleep, hearing the other girls taunt me and talk about me.

I missed Fay and Severus so terribly and even if he had been the one to start this name-calling I loved him. He was the love of my life.

I had to go back to his lessons, because Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were talking to me, asking me questions I couldn't answer and didn't want to have to think about.

It was some time during school, I didn't know what day or even what subject it happened it. I only knew that in one moment I was sitting with Harry, blocking out all the insults and then I was in the hospital wing and I was in pain.

**HARRY-POV!**

She looked terrible. She was so pale and so thin. A mere shadow of the girl she used to be and it drove me crazy, because there was nothing I could do to help her.

"Harry?"

Immediately I took her hand in mine,

"You passed out", I smiled, "I told you, you have to eat."

"No. Need...to fin.."

I shook my head, "I will continue to look for the Boogeyman and you will rest."

She didn't like that, I could see it written all over her face.

"Harry", she suddenly whispered, "Do you think I'm fat? Is that why he left me?"

The rage hit me so violently, that my other hand clenched into a fist. I hid it under her bed.

"You're not fat Hermione, at the moment you're actually the opposite and you know why he left you, because he thinks you tried to hurt his daughter, remember?"

She closed her eyes, "Yeah...th...Boo...g..."

"Boogeyman, right. I'll take care of that, Ok? You just sleep and _eat_, Hermione", I unclenched my fist again and stroked her face.

She opened her eyes again, "Harry, everything hurts."

I turned around helplessly, "Madam Pomfrey should be here soon, she'll give you something."

She fell badly. I hadn't reacted quick enough. If I would have caught her sooner- better-she wouldn't have hit her head the way she did. Those nightmares were still bothering me, but I couldn't burden her with my problems. I'd only closed my eyes for a second...and she'd fallen.

"Do...do you think he might visit?"

The hope in her voice was so strong I couldn't feel angry, it made me too sad.

"I'm sorry Hermione."

She nodded and pressed her lips together tightly. Something I saw her do a lot, she was trying not to cry.

"I'll talk to him, Ok?"

I had to try, I couldn't get her out of this. I wasn't strong enough. I needed help.

"Thank you", her eyes closed again and I kissed her head, hoping again hope that I could talk him into this.

I left the room quietly, so she could sleep.

Outside I began to run, my breath was ragged, my clothes full of sweat and my feet hurting when I reached the Dungeons.

I knocked on the door three times and then stepped back.

The door opened and before he had a chance to throw the it shut in my face I stepped inside.

"She's in the Hospital-Wing, she's not eating, she thinks she's fat, because of everything, that's being said. It has to stop. You have to make it stop. She can hardly speak, but she's asking for you. She needs you and for whatever reasons I will never be able to understand she loves you and I know she meant a lot to you, so please just go and see her, listen to her. She needs help and she...she's so weak I never thought she could be so weak...so please I am asking you as a human being, if you love her or not, please, _please_ save my friend. You're the only one who can."

With that I turned around and left. It didn't occur to me to mention the Boogeyman.


	16. Christmas

**Chapter 16: Christmas**

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_This story is nearing it's end...thank you for your reviews, enjoy this short chapter._

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Of course Severus hadn't come. Why would he have?

It was weeks later. Harry and I had left school for the holidays.

„Merry Christmas!", Sirius grinned brightly and hugged me.

„Yeah thanks."

„Harry!", he pulled him into a hug as well, „It's so great to see you! How are you two?", he lowered his voice, „How are your dreams?"

Harry just nodded, „We're fine...did Kreacher prepare some dinner?"

Nodding Sirius lead us through the house. It was cleaner, than it had been the last time I was here. There were Christmas decorations and it was so bright.

Harry was so happy and even if the food did smell incredibly good, I couldn't eat it at the moment.

„Eh Sirius...Is...Remus here?"

He nodded, „Upstairs."

„Great", I left the room to go upstairs, but Sirius caught up with me,

„Hermione! Wait!"

I had just been about to knock on the door, but he'd stopped me.

„Eh...I'll go and get him", before I had time to comment he knocked on the door and slipped inside.

When Remus came outside his face was flushed,

"Hermione dear, are you alright?"

"Yeah fine, I have a question", the door opened again and Sirius came outside with a sly grin. Once he was downstairs Remus leaned against the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest,

"So, what's going on?"

"Do you...is there something called a boogeyman, some kind of demon or something?"

A confused expression unfolded on his face, "I've never heard of anything like that...can you tell me more?"

"Well he..it's an old man and he was in...someones dream..."

"I'm sorry", he lifted his shoulder, "there may be some kind of Legilimency...you-know-wh-"

"It's not him", I interrupted.

Harry and I had talked it through so many times and we were both sure it wasn't Voldemort.

"Bu...it's Professor Snapes Daughter...it couldn't be you-know-who...I mean Sev-...Snape would have taught her about that and she would have told him."

"Hermione, are you sure you're Ok?"

"You've never heard of something like that?"

He shook his head, "I'm sorry. Listen Hermione, you look ve-"

The door opened and Tonks came into the hallway, her pink hair was completely messed up,

"Re-oh", she suddenly blushed, "Hermione, merry Christmas..."

I blushed too, realizing what was going on, when I saw that she was wearing Remus' shirt.

"Oh, I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to...merry Christmas!"

All three of us burst out in laughter and Tonks closed the door, before going back inside.

"I'm sorry Hermione", he repeated before going inside as well.

Dinner was awkward. Tonks and Remus were happy, that was nice. We all laughed about my interruption and I saw that Harry was very happy. He thought I was getting better and for a split second I believed it too. But it didn't last long.

I went to bed early. I heard Harry and Sirius talk in low voices and I knew it was about me, I knew he was worried. But I was eating again and I made sure I went to bed and slept enough too. I was trying really hard.

It wasn't easy.

The next morning was nice, Tonks and Remus had given me a diary. It was red and really beautiful, I just really didn't feel like writing anything inside it. I felt embarrassed, because I hadn't bought them a gift, but they said it didn't mind. They were so happy together, they didn't seem to mind anything anymore and I couldn't help but wonder, if Severus and I had been like that too.

I couldn't remember what it was like to be that happy.

Harry had given me a book, it was a muggle book, a thriller. He was clever enough not to give me a romance novel.

I had made him a photo album with pictures of Ron, Harry, Ginny and myself.

It snowed that day and we went outside throwing snowballs at each other and having a good time. Even Kreacher played with us, it was funny.

The rest of the holidays I caught up on my homework. I didn't spend that much time with the others, because I wanted Harry to have some time with his godfather. He was looking better too, he didn't seem so worried anymore. That made me feel better I had started to get a bad conscience.

Back at school things were getting better too. People were still talking and calling me names, but I was starting to ignore them. It was getting easier to tell myself that these things weren't true and at some point a whole new feeling began to evolve in me:

I was beginning to think about the future, about how my life would be once I left school. Just the thought of being with a different man and never seeing Severus again made me feel terrible, but I calmed myself down, because it still had some time.

I was sitting in the library, researching the boogeyman. Harry had left a while ago to go to bed. I was starting to get tired and imagined that Severus would come. He would ask me what I was doing and he would help me.

I hadn't given up the boogeyman. I would find him.

A sudden scream caused my head to shoot up.

"Hermione! Hermione help!"

I didn't hesitate a second, "Fay?"

It was her calling for me I would always react to her voice. I ran towards where her voice was coming from, not caring about teachers who could hear me and give me detention for not being in bed. Nothing mattered but her, I had to find her, I had to rescue her.

"Fay", I panted, "Where are you?"

"He's got me Hermione", she sobbed quietly, "The Boogeyman's got me now!"

"Keep on talking to me!", I begged, "please..."

But she didn't really have to, I knew where I had to go. If not to the Chamber of secrets, then where else should I have gone to?

There was clearly something evil going on here, there was no better place to go to and there had been a girl kidnapped in there more than once who would suspect it again?

The entrance lay open before me. Taking a deep breath I threw myself down the tunnel.

"Fay, I'm coming!"

"Hurry Hermione!"

The panic in her voice made me feel helpless and I swore to myself I would get her out of here, even if it was the last thing I ever did.

When I reached the bottom I called her name again, softly, so that she would have no reason to be scared. I wouldn't panic. I would be calm and think strategically to save her.

A mans laughter made me spin around and I took a deep breath to face him. The Boogeyman. Finally.

But when I saw who it was, I was too surprised to attack like I should have, like I would forever wish that I had, because my not attacking led to the horrible end.

"You?"


	17. The Boogeymans Worst Crime

**Chapter17:The Boogeymans Worst Crime**

Lucius Malfoy laughed again,

„Yes, indeed. It is me."

„Wh..where's Fay?"

That question made him laugh even harder, he closed his eyes

„Why, little Fay is sleeping in her bed. Safe and Sound." He opened them again, „You on the other hand are not."

I stepped backwards, „What are you doing here?"

He stepped forward, „Well I've led you into a trap Hermione, as you can see."

Ok. I needed to get out of here, I understood that. I needed to stay calm, as I had wanted to be with Fay...Fay who was safe with her father.

How could I have been so stupid?

Time. I needed time.

„So you're the boogeyman?"

Lucius rolled his eyes, „Well, I guess I am now, thanks to that little girl..."

„You've been visiting her dreams?"

The grin on his face was victorious. I made me feel sick.

„I controlled her dreams. I've been experimenting a little...", he began to walk around me and I never let him out of my sight, never turned my back on him, „Once I had control of Potters mind, I th-"

„That was you?", I interrupted, „all those dream about girls...?"

„Being raped?", he said the words without trouble, „Oh yes, that was easy and it made me so happy to watch him try and find out what was going on..."

„How did you do all that?"

„By practicing for years and keeping it low. Not like your beloved Snape", he spat that name, „who always wanted to impress the Dark Lord and who has always been the best at everything", he threw his head back and laughed, so loudly and suddenly, that I jumped,

"But he never mastered what I have mastered!"

I stepped backwards slowly, trying not to attract any attention.

"You mean controlling dreams?"

"Oh I mean much more than that!", he shook his head, "I must say I was a bit disappointed when Severus had a student coming to him, telling him she was beginning to _forget_ things and he didn't do anything about it!"

I couldn't breathe. If I had been scared before now I was terrified. He had done something to me. I was part of whatever plan he'd had...

"I wanted to get to Snape, I wanted to make sure he wouldn't continue to be the Dark Lords Favorite, once he returns. Can you imagine how happy I was when I found out that you were in love with him?", he chuckled, "it was too easy! By confusing some things in your mind I practically shoved you into his arms!"

I continued moving backwards.

"How strange is that, eh? Maybe you two never were a real couple...what kind of love is that, if I made it happen?"

"It's real love!", I snapped, "We love each other dearly!"

That made him laugh loudly and suddenly again, but this time I didn't scare myself.

"Yes! Of course! That's why he left you the minute things got dodgy!"

"Dodgy?", I repeated, "You hurt his daughter and blamed me!"

"No, the girl drank the potion herself and then she blamed you, I merely gave her the instructions."

I didn't want to discuss it, I just wanted to get out of here.

Now Lucius sighed, "I didn't expect him to react that way, I mean for a minute I thought he really loved you, but then he just let you go...no he _sent_ you away and left you all by yourself."

I didn't disagree this time

"Well...", he smiled, "...what should we do now?"

"I could go", I quickly said, "We could forget about this meeting."

He threw his head back and laughed harshly, "Oh Hermione! I really like you! It's such a shame, I will have to kill you, now that you know everything."

Immediately I turned around, but he had grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

"Where do you think you're going?", his breath was hot as he whispered into my ear.

I shivered.

"What do you want from me?"

Lucius spun me around and the look in his eyes was no longer full of hatred and rage, but lust.

That scared me much more.

I backed away as far as I could and he shook his head, chuckling quietly.

"Well, I want to know what Severus sees in you..."

I never had a chance to defend myself. By magic he made sure that couldn't move, took my free will from me.

By force he took a part of my soul from me.

My clothes were torn from my body rough-fully, my body penetrated in ways I didn't think were possible. It wasn't just the pain.

It was his way of taking control of me completely. He took parts of me and made them his own.

Lucius Malfoy raped me more than once.

And he cursed me with the Cruciatus Curse.

Over and over again.

At first I had thought I was going to die. Then I wished to be dead.

He put foreign objects into my body, my mouth and made me feel like I was an foreign object myself. Like I didn't belong to my self anymore.

Like I was his.

It is unrealistic, but it felt like he was raping and torturing me for years. Somewhere in my head I knew that wasn't true, because someone, _anyone_ would notice, if I went missing for years? Surely somebody would come looking for me? Anyone? Please?

I can't say what happened when, all I knew that I was dead. I was sure he had killed me, because darkness surrounded me and I knew it was time to leave this earth. Forever.

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It took a while for me to open my eyes again. I regained conscience because someone was trying to put something in my mouth. I struggled. Not again. I didn't want to do this anymore.

"It's alright, it's to protect you from nightmares."

I noticed two things at this sentence;

The object, that was being pushed against my lips was a bottle and if I drank it, I would be able to sleep without nightmares.

The man speaking to me was Severus. I was not only alive, but safe and in his arms.

He knew what had happened.

I drank the potion he gave me and pressed myself against him, trying to not just breathe in his scent but to get lost in it. Getting lost in something homey and beautiful seemed like a good idea. A distraction. A necessity.

When I woke up I recognized the room. I was in the Hospital-Wing.

Harry sat at my bed, his eyes were red.

"Hermione", he sighed, "How are you feeling?"

Maybe it would have been better if I had died.

I merely shook my head. This was a question I didn't want to be confronted.

"He's been sent to Azkaban. The last curse he used...", Harry shuddered, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you."

Somehow I found my voice I wasn't sure where it had come from, how it had appeared.

"That's the reason? The curse?"

Harry nodded, "We know he had you down there, hitting you with curses over and over. There is no way out of this for him."

Hitting me with curses. Over and Over.

The door opened and when he came inside I felt the last piece of myself break. The last piece that Lucius Malfoy hadn't been destroyed.

Harry didn't acknowledge him.

"Would you like to be alone with him or should he leave?"

"He should stay."

I didn't look at him. I only heard Harry leave the room and Severus sit down on the chair next to my bed.

"I'm sorry", I could see the desperation in his voice, "For doing all of this to you. Pot-...Harry told me that you were trying to find the man who had done this to us, that you were trying to find a way...back to me", his voice wasn't even a whisper, but I understood him anyway, "I'm so sorry for saying all those things to you, you know they're not true you know I love you."

I wanted to ask him how on earth I was supposed to know that. After all that had happened...how was I supposed to know he loved me? How was I supposed to believe?

I also wanted to ask him where he had been. How he could have let this happen, how he had come so late, how he had let Lucius do this to me.

"Hermione", there were tears in his eyes now, "please forgive me, I know I don't deserve you too I know I did mistakes, but I love you, please."

"I..we belong together", I muttered.

"You're tired", he stood up, "I'll be back later, alright?"

He didn't kiss me and I was glad about it. I was also glad Harry came back inside.

"Harry", I felt tears of my own burn in my eyes now, "Your dreams...they were about me."

He wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what I was talking about, but it was too saddening, too painful for him to accept it. He shook his head over and over again, until I was the one holding him, comforting him, while crying my heart out.

"You can't tell anyone", I said after we had both calmed down.

"But he would be in prison longer, his punishment would be worse."

"You can't tell anyone, Harry. No one is allowed to know what happened, the rest of the world needs to believe, that he cursed me. Nothing more."

"How could I not have known?", a single tear slid down his face and I leaned forward to wipe it away.

"He played with our minds, he had everything planned out. No one could have known. This is not your fault."

Harry shook his head as more tears slid down his face.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, "Is there anything I can do to you?"

He sounded so desperate, I was glad there was something he could do.

"I need a contraceptive potion and I can't just ask for one because he would..."

Harry nodded, "I understand. I'll take care of it. Do yo...shouldn't you be examined by a doctor?"

"I'll do that with a muggle doctor once I am out of here."

"Ok."

"Harry...", my voice quivers, "He told me he loves me...I don't know what to do now."

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry", he carefully put his hand on mine, "But I'll be there for you, no matter what you decide. I promise."

"Thank you", I squeezed his hand, then I wiped my face, "Would you send him to me?"

Harry seemed confused, "Have you made up your mind?"

I nodded.

After he left I thought about what was going to happen now. How this story was going to end.

"Hermione", the way he said my name was perfect, it belonged in his mouth, my life belonged in his.

"I love you", those words were simple. Powerful and Strong.

Severus closed his eyes, trying to hide his tears.

"Thank you. I love you too and I promise I will ma-"

"But."

They weren't strong enough.

"I will need some time, before I can go back to things the way they were."

He pressed my hand gently, "I will wait for you."

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Reviews are awesome!


	18. One Year Later

**The End**

I learned many things this last year. I learned how to speak french. I learned how to be apart from Ron and Harry and make new friends at _Beauxbatons Academy of Magic_. I learned that time passes, no matter how much pain one is in or how much one would wish time _wouldn't_ pass. I learned that talking about what had happened to me was important, sharing my secret and asking others for help.

I learned that I had a lot of work to do. I learned that I felt strong in a group of people who had experienced similar things like I had.

I learned that in order to let Severus love me I needed to love myself. I learned how to love myself.

I learned that Sex could be something good and I learned to want it again.

I learned a lot in that year.

Another thing I learned was how much I wanted Severus, Harry, Ron and Fay in my life again. I needed them and I loved them all. Equally, but differently.

Harry had been the only one I had written to. Ron and Professor Dumbledore had sent the occasional letter, on my birthday, on Christmas and on the night of my graduation.

Severus had not written a word and while I had been anxious to see him on my flight back home I was terribly nervous by the time I reached his door.

So many memories came back to me, as I walked through the castle, that had been my home and the place I had first experienced love and also the place I had experienced the worst kind of pain.

Knocking on his door seemed like the hardest thing I had ever done, which was ridiculous if one thought of what I had been through this last year.

When the door opened I was expecting the worst: A woman. Him not being there. Fay.

„Hermione."

It was him and it was as if nothing had ever changed.

„Am I too late?"

Severus shook his head, „I told you I'd wait for you."

I leaped into his arms joyfully and he caught me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He kissed me and I kissed him back eagerly.

Things would be alright. I loved him and we belonged together. I had a steep road ahead of me and I would have to walk it alone, but that was alright. I would manage.

„I love you", he whispered, as he closed the door behind us.

The future was going to be awesome for us. I knew it. I would deal with my past and he would never know the whole truth of what Lucius Malfoy had done to me in the Chamber Of Secrets. We would manage.

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I can't believe this story is finished. Wow. Eh..there will be a sequel, because there are many unanswered questions. I'll need some time, because I'm right in the middle of my final exams at school.

Ok, well tell me what you think and thank you very much for supporting and reading this story, I am looking forward to Part2 and I hope you guys are too :)


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